Category Archives: Uncategorized

On this Women’s Equality Day….


Dear Facebook,

Thank you for the congratulatory message personalized just for me.  HOWEVER, I’m just curious why your picture shows women of all colors in the picture.  PLEASE, for once, do the RIGHT thing and correct yourself.  This picture needs to be as white as me if you want to be accurate.

Don’t get me wrong, I am for sure THANKFUL for this right, and do realize the sacrifices that were made!  But I am very clear in my heart and soul that I am thankful because ALL women now have the right to vote!  The first women’s suffrage movement purposely excluded black women in many instances.

“Women gained the right to vote in 1920, but Jim Crow racial segregation and disenfranchisement — which was enforced by extreme violence — curtailed Black women’s suffrage.”

It is interesting (not surprising) that if you look up women’s suffrage or women’s right to vote, you will very rarely find that it states anything about black women not receiving that right at the same time. You have to actually specify black women in the search to get the whole story.

And if you are really interested, there is tons of information you can find and learn from!  

https://scontent.fsnc1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/t39.3138-6/p280x280/11891368_386668031543868_1583414589_n.png

It was the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s (Civil Rights Act of 1964) that removed the roadblocks for all blacks to vote. The 19th amendment was supposed to include all, but there was so much vigilantism (and worse) and state laws that were passed to prohibit it that it was illegal, not enforced and/or even ignored.

The Lie We Live "We’ve mastered the art of killing, now let’s master the joy of living."

The Sole Problem of the Soul Problem Is a Heart Condition

I am angry today.  Actually, I am pissed!  Admittedly, it is not just today, though.  It has been many days for much of my life about the same issue.  But lately, and especially this week, I am angry to my core.  It is sad to say that it speaks of my very essence in this moment.  I know this, am clear about it, and am working on it.  I am told I am a green chakra, the heart chakra. Perhaps this is why I feel so deeply about what has been going on with race relations in this country.  I am sure it is why I feel deeply .

I agree that guns are not THE problem. Bottom line is that an absence of love is the “soul” root of it. However, guns and gun attitudes are a contributor to the problem. How to solve this, the conundrum. On a related note, I do think if you have actual amorous feelings for your lethal weapon of choice, and/or you think it is actually an ANSWER to what is going on, then there is something wrong in your head. If you read that last statement to mean that I am against guns for self-protection, I suggest you get out of the head I was speaking of and re-read it. Do not bother arguing with me on this because I am not wrong, and there is no way to prove otherwise, so do not send me your manipulated stats or stories to prove something to me. The only thing that will prove is that you are still missing the point.

Oh, and by the way, just because someone chooses not to own a gun does not make them a “pussy,” as a few of you have so eloquently put it! If a person is not comfortable with a lethal weapon, then they should not have one. Shut the hell up with that, seriously. Guns are NOT for everyone… as evidenced by every other day on the news! Here is another thing on that note to shut the hell up about:  it being a liberal agenda.

If you are sick and tired of me being on my soapbox about the gun issue, or about the way people of color are seen and treated, whether friend or family, say goodbye to me now, because I will not sit down and be quiet.

If red-headed, freckled, or blonde and blue-eyed, or people that look like me (white, brunette with brown eyes) were being marginalized — or worse  — were being TARGETED for slaughter (YES, SLAUGHTER!), would you still be sitting quietly? Would you still be rolling your eyes at me if these people being assassinated, murdered, looked like your very own children???  This is the world I have had to bring my children up in, and that my children will have to bring their children up in. I had hoped for so much more! And if you still cannot seem to align your conscience with this, consider that it is the same world you are bringing your white children up in. Hello!  The huge difference is that some of these people have targets on them. Would you feel differently then?  What if it was YOUR sweet little seven year old blonde daughter… your 87 year old grandfather… your favorite red-headed Irish pastor… your young up-and-coming cousin…  the single mom next door…?  See?  THAT difference of reaction is an ABSENCE of love at its core! And I CANNOT tolerate it and neither should you! I’m so SICK of the apathy.  As I stated in a previous post:

Your disinterest in what I have to say, your scoffing at my personhood and my knowledge and feelings, your racial brush-off to me translates that you think that somehow my children are less important to me than your children are to you.  

And I will add to that to be even more clear:   Not only is there a disconnect in that some do not comprehend in real-time how important my children are to me, but the really scary part is that my children’s value is MADE less because they do not look like them, because they are black.  Their lives are not as valued.  (And, yes, literally my children are biracial. No need to attempt to make a point with that here.  Truth is, when my children walk out my door, the world sees a black person.  And even if they were able to see a biracial or multiracial person, they would still marginalize them because of it. Because… not white.

My oldest (“Sweet”) shortly before he got promoted to big brother in 1989.  Then, I had hopef thst the world would be a kinder, more fair place for him.  Still hoping.


The very same people who were up in arms over Sandy Hook or the Colorado movie theater slaughter (rightfully so) are now silent about the Charleston 9 terrorist attack, and it is noticeable. So I do not think it is only the terrorists in these incidents whose heads need to be examined. Further, it is not just a problem in the head, it is a heart condition, a sick soul condition in mankind. I cannot say “in humanity ” because sometimes I feel I can barely sense its existence.

So if you now find yourself annoyed with me over this, I label you as having also a listening problem and incapable of examining yourself and how your very own attitude actually plays a role in this soul sickness.  Another label.  No one likes them.

Yeah, I am BEYOND angry. Fed up. In fact, for once, I cannot even find that single adjective to describe my feelings. What I recognize is I am struggling with anger and do not like it, and that I will no longer participate with others in stifling myself.

I have some work to do.  I hope you recognize what there is for you to do.

Division

Outside Inside My White Skin

An Invitation and a Challenge

Yep, here I go again!  Buckle up!

Yes, the timeout is first!

Before I continue and dig into what I am really here to say today, let me take a timeout and acknowledge the elephants of the day in the room — first, the horrific terrorist mass murder in Charleston, SC a few days ago.  Here is my simple statement on that and all the blind rhetoric flying around: Every act of violence is NOT a mental illness. Crazy… likely. But a TRUE mental ILLNESS, no! Face it, some people are just blinded and ruled by hate. Hate (fear in an ugly, dangerous form) will make us do crazy things! Stop making excuses for scum because it makes you feel better.  I am proud of the people that are willing to forgive, and I wish for the day when I can also feel that way.  I am working on it.  Currently, I hope that little murdering flea and his ilk rot in Hell… s l o w l y.

Next, is Rachel Dolezal, the woman who was a local President of an NAACP chapter who is a white woman that attempted to be black… or as one of my sons said, acting in blackface. For the sake of space and time to read, let me just say that she has unfortunately made herself and her just causes a non-issue.  I can’t know what her deep, true motivations are that caused her to perpetrate this lie, so I won’t even touch it.  I feel sad.  I feel sad that she did some good things under a lie, and she did some other things that are contradictory to what she says her cause is.  Someone in an article postulated that she probably did it out of being tired of not being heard because of her white skin.  I actually totally get that – in real time!  However, I am white and I can sympathize, use my brain and heart to see and feel, to reason, and even to empathize in some ways.  But at the end of the day, well the beginning, too… I am white and I don’t and won’t attempt to pretend otherwise. I hope she comes to one day.  As for her family, they are suspect in my eyes.  WHAT family throws their daughter under the bus as they did, regardless of what she’s done? What a bunch of losers.

The Confederate Flag needs to be taken down and put into the annals of “things that are just wrong in our history and other losers.”  If you think it should remain up because “it’s a piece of our history,” you are lying and I am calling you out on that.  I won’t even get into how streets, buildings, and other public and government properties are named after Confederate figures.  Yes, it’s a piece of our history, but so is murdering innocent indigenous peoples, no seatbelts, banning Filipinos from entering the country, women and blacks being prohibited from voting, segregation, etc., etc., etc!  You get my point.  And if you are one of those that wishes those days back, then YOU need to leave this country, not me.  Next!

Now, here’s the meat for today.

In my experience in my skin, rarely does anyone want to hear this white woman’s thoughts about the struggle for and by black people in this country.  There are white people that roll their eyes or check out when I talk about my thoughts, and there are black people that think I don’t have a clue and think that my thoughts on the subject are meaningless.  Waaaaaaay back when I was a school kid, there were others that thought I wanted to be black (As if!), and they gave me a terrible time about it.  What these idiots didn’t realize was that they were only assisting me in my ideals that there was something wrong.  Thanks!  I hope some of you have become more enlightened since then.  And no, I haven’t forgotten who you are.

I have more than a simple vested interest in the treatment of black people in this country.  A large part of my family is not white, and a very large portion of that is black.  I am a part of this multicultural, multiracial family, and they will always be a part of me, who I am, and how I think.  I love my family and am proud of it, just as I am sure you love yours and are likewise proud.  Your disinterest in what I have to say, your scoffing at my personhood and my knowledge and feelings, your racial brush-off to me translates that you think that somehow my children are less important to me than your children are to you.  Read that last sentence again; I suspect a few of you digested it incorrectly the first time.  It also means that somehow I have lived on this Earth for 50+ years and have spent it with my head in the sand, and my heart in my sequestered white ego.  First, let me bulldoze that pile and let you know that nothing is further from the truth. Next let me save you the personal time of denying it.  You haven’t realized that is what your dismissal means, but that is what it means whether you admit it or not, whether you want to examine it or not.  I learned a very long time ago that my kids and I are on a particular island that not many really care to visit.  Whatever color your own skin, if you think this is solely a “black” issue, then you are not only a part of the problem, you are ACTIVELY CONTRIBUTING to the problem.

As for the next person that says “Slavery ended 150 years ago; get over it!”, well you can go crawl in your teeny tiny dark corner and just rot away, because you are a waste of precious oxygen on this planet.  Are you really that NARROW MINDED, that BLIND, that UNAWARE that you think unfair treatment and practices (and much worse) ended with slavery?  WAKE UP!  If you want to know why black people hate, distrust, or are afraid of the police and other people in power, just research OUR AMERICAN HISTORY!  Someone said to me the other day, “But why do they run when they are stopped by the police?”  Now this is not a dumb question.  If you have not had the experience of a black person, have not been exposed to the experiences of a black person, AND you don’t have family that can tell you stories handed down of decades of abuse in an effort to warn you about these abuses, then I expect you really do not know.  However, what I would hope is that we can ALL have a listening ear and heart when someone (anyone!) is speaking on their experiences.  By the way, thank you to that person who heard what I said about that question.

My reasons for anything and everything worthwhile.  9/2011

My personal rainbow. And this is only part of my family and wonderful people
I choose to surround myself!  🙂   9/2011

Those that cannot or refuse to admit how things really are in this country are just afraid to.  You are afraid to admit it because you think it will mean something personal about you, your actual person, your family.  You may be right if that is the way you feel, if you take it that personally.  Do you want to know the best way to stop feeling like that?  Step OUT of your tired skin and make a difference for your fellow human beings.  You would do it for your own family!  Have you forgotten that we are ALL of the human RACE?

The human race is the ONE and ONLY true RACE, by the way.  Race, as a category, is a man-made concept.  Yep!  Go research it.  I am not going to hold your hand on this one.  WE MADE THIS SHIT UP!  There is no biological, scientific backing for separating us into color categories.  NONE.  It serves only to separate us.  That is it!  Well done, wouldn’t you say?

With that said, I am here to tell you that it is, however, important that we do recognize each other’s race at this time in our history.  It speaks to the essence of who we are individually, where we have been, our probable life experiences, AND it does NOT define us in totality.  Confused yet?  Color blindness does not serve anyone, and is a myth anyway.  It is a way of pretending that “I don’t see who you are and it doesn’t matter.”  The melting pot is just something we throw people into that tries to melt others into what “we” want them to be, to assimilate into our own ideas.  I would rather have a salad chock full of all the flavors that you can see and taste individually that are wonderful each on their own, and are just as wonderful when thrown in together.  Yes, I’m laughing at my corny self right now, but that is really how I feel.

If you are feeling injury right about now and are making this monologue mean that I don’t like white people, that I’m abandoning my own (Yes, I’ve heard all this before.), that I’m prejudiced or racist against white people, that I don’t care about the bad things that happen to whites… well, you have missed the point entirely then, and/or you still aren’t listening.  I give you one last chance at this juncture to hop down off your high horse and experience more of life, a life that has nothing to do with your individual skin.  I invite you to try on some new ideas and ideals today.  I invite you to stop being afraid.  I challenge you to step out of the masses and the cog thinking.

I suspect that there are still some that are wondering just what my deal is.  If I sound angry, I am.  Besides what I think should be the obvious reasons for having humanity in my heart, there are people that want to kill and do other horrible things to people that look JUST LIKE MY CHILDREN.  NOW DO YOU GET IT? If you still don’t, then all I can say is I hope you get help for your blindness and willful stupidity.

Complicated?  Confusing?  Yes!  And I say, “So what!”  Wake up and stand up, or please just shut up!  White privilege is a real thing.  Mistreatment of people of color is a thing – to put it all lightly.  I will no longer be sporadic with my voice on this.  So either be prepared to deal with me, get on with me, or exit from my life.  I have ushered others out before you.  Consider that your experience is not the template for others, and consider that other experiences contrary to your own are actually real.  We don’t have to agree, but I insist on respect.  Try on acceptance vs. tolerance.

A Note to Myself for You to Read

Don’t Let the Monkey Bring You Down

Every day I DON’T want to go to my exercise class, and then every day I’m so glad I did.  Hot, sweaty, and sticky, and I still feel better than when I walked into the class!  This is what I’m retraining my monkey mind to default to, to remember.  I woke up this morning and every single joint in my body hurt.  It’s so easy to just live in THAT moment.

My biggest fear is that my body will be so worn out from constantly fighting itself with this lupus that I won’t be here to see my 60’s.  I’m not complaining; I’m really reminding myself what’s the most important between struggling with lupus and doing what I MUST do to be here in 10 years and BEYOND.  No one likes hearing the “bad” stuff on Facebook about our lives.  But I’m here to tell you that you can MAKE the bad stuff something to learn from and make it something to look BACK on.

I was an athlete once.  I still have the heart and mind of one, and of a competitor.  It’s been SO hard not being able to do the things I once did – and not all that long ago.  So I’m declaring that I’m in a race that isn’t over until I say so… which isn’t one of the options.

Probably the hardest part about it is the constant pain and fatigue, of course.  The second is the brain fog… I sound like an Alzheimer’s patient sometimes.  The third is dealing with people not believing me or making up things about me when I can’t follow through on something, can’t finish something, or just plain can’t move.  And you’d be surprised (maybe) from whom some of the criticism comes. Sometimes it’s direct, but more often it’s subtle, behind my back, or I can just feel it from some.

I have been mindful of my self-chatter – the talk that no one else hears but me.  It can be a dangerous thing.  I’ve been practicing being mindful of what I say to myself as we’re doing the various exercises and stretches in class.  Sometimes I’m really hard on myself (You should be able to do this!); other times something might just be so hard to do (My arms are killing me!); and then there’s old faithful (You’re one of the youngest ones here! You should be smokin’ these old ladies!).  Yeah, I do that to myself, and I’ll bet most of you do something similar.  So I’m working on being kinder to myself, focusing more on the result I want instead of the momentary discomfort, and very importantly, making sure I’m listening to my body when it REALLY is time to stop or rest.  Sometimes the competitor in me doesn’t want to hear it.

So… whatever it is you need to do to have a life worth waking up to every day, make that MORE IMPORTANT than the woe-is-me chatter in your mind, the self-defeating talk, the achy joints, the extra plate of food, and certainly more important than whatEVER the haters and naysayers (who don’t live in your skin, by the way) EVER have to say!

This Ride Together

“True wisdom listens more, talks less and can get along with all types of people.” Kiana Tom


Well, wouldn’t it be nice to see more of that! Watching the news, reading different social media, conversations with others… ONCE AGAIN everybody is judging, and no one is listening. It is easy to get caught up in the finger-pointing, and apparently way easier than examining ourselves, and a world away from even considering that who we are pointing at might just have a valid experience that should be listened to.

We are quick to belittle someone else’s experience; and how ridiculous that is when we cannot possibly know what it is like in their shoes. It is one thing if it is someone we can relate to, but if they are not then they are discounted and dismissed immediately. The mentality of “If it isn’t happening to me that way, then it’s not happening to you,” is not only absurd, but dangerous.  Then we sit back in bewilderment when someone gets so sick and tired of being marginalized and unheard that they lose it. Is it REALLY any wonder? Is it really so hard or scary to ATTEMPT to understand another’s experiences? It is FOOLISH to think that other people do not have lives we cannot imagine!

We are so scared of losing what we know about ourselves or our foothold that we go into full defense when it is challenged, when it’s the very time we should be LISTENING. It is sad, because what is greater than losing our former selves to humanity? But that point is missed when we’re attacking one another, when we are consumed with proving how right we are and how wrong they are.

It is all FEAR.  Be bold; be fearless today.  Take a step outside of your own box… have a listen.



Dear Friend, I See You

Dear Friend,
I know you are struggling with some issues in your life right now.  I know you have some big concerns that are weighing on you.  I see and feel that you are hurting.
I want you to know that it is all going to be okay.  Really.  It may not feel acceptable in this moment, but if you take care of yourself it is all going to work out.  It may not be the way you want it to look or think it might look, but there is going to be something there for your higher good.  Be patient and I promise you it will reveal itself.  Be open for good to show up in spite of what is going on right now.  Love yourself more than your attachment to your circumstances. 
If your past is hurting you, I want you to consider that it is no longer happening. Whatever was done is done.  It is no longer hurting you; hanging onto it is what is hurting.  Take charge and drop that hurt on the spot and gently step forward.  Now pat yourself on the back.  This is enough for today.  Tomorrow, take another easy step forward without looking at what you dropped off.  Take a moment for a self-hug and breathe.  Purpose to care more for yourself than the hurt you were holding onto.
If you are hurting someone, consider that you are also bringing that into your own life.  The reasons don’t matter because what you are ushering into your life is the same regardless of the reasons.  Haven’t you hurt enough? It’s up to you. You are in charge of ALL of it.  Own your experience. It is, whether or not you want it, your responsibility.  The sooner you see this, the sooner you can surrender all of it.  Love yourself more.
Surrender to that which you claim you want.  Claim and own that you are peace, that you are love, that you are trust, that you are harmony, etc.  Set an example for yourself.  The rest will follow your lead.  This is how it works.
So I see you today, and I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know there is a way out that will leave you whole and wholly fulfilled.  Be willing.  Be open.  Be receptive.  Be honest.  Above all, love yourself bigger than what is going on around you.  No one has the power to take that away from you, except you, and no one has the ability to give you that kind of love except you!  That is the truth.
What are you waiting for?
With great love,
Debora Lynn




There’s Always You

They Better Recognize!
There will be those for whom you will never be enough, and that’s okay!  It’s okay because they probably aren’t enough for themselves anyway.  They are already torturing themselves without even realizing it.  Resist participation in the “Not Enough” game.
There will be those that will say one thing to you when they’re happy with you, and turn around and say the exact opposite when they aren’t.  Resist the confusion by this confused person.  It’s a ploy to pull you into their snare.  Do not enter.  You don’t need them to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong about you.  If you listen to your heart, you already know the truth of the matter.
There will be those who will intentionally say or do things to hurt you.  Let’s be clear, this person is a bully.  It may indeed hurt, but that doesn’t mean they are right.  Let someone you trust know how you are being treated just as fast and as often as you can.  Don’t keep this perpetrator’s secrets about who they are, and stop buying into the secrets you are beginning to believe about yourself.  This is how they feed!  Don’t believe the negative ad campaign, and don’t feed the monsters.
There will be those that will fall short of their promises to you.  I’m not talking about false promises; I’m talking about promises made before they had any idea of what the follow-through would have to be.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” sometimes means that person can’t hold up to their lofty promises.  Frustrating, yes, but it means nothing – absolutely nothing – about you.
There will be those who will offer to loan you money, or do other favors for you in order to have some control in and over your life.  This is one way they keep you “loyal.”  Do not deal with this person, and do not be this person.  Favors should be from the heart with no expectation of the receiver.  (And, no, I’m not talking about the legalities of a money loan.  I am speaking about  your personhood.)
Predators are everywhere, and they aren’t just of the violent and/or sexual nature.  If someone purposes to bring you down, they are preying on you.  Recognize when someone is doing this to you, and don’t fall for it.  They are lonely down there and wish you harm for their own gain. 
There will be those that discount your feelings, your health, your struggles.  Believe in yourself and don’t let these issues define you. As well, don’t let what people refuse to understand define you either.  Break free from their thinking.
There will be those that are just simply unhappy, angry people. They will create things to blame on you, and they will incite your belief and bewilderment in their story.  If it sounds outlandish, it is!  You can NEVER be responsible for someone else’s happiness.  An unhappy person will be unhappy no matter where they go or whose company they keep.  Notice that unhappiness just follows these people.  You truly never will be enough of anything for these types.  If they can’t make themselves happy, they also cannot make YOU happy.  Also, do not depend on someone else for your own happiness.  You own this one for yourself, like it or not, as do they.
If you can’t physically distance yourself from these kinds of people, at least do not allow them to take up space for free in your thoughts, as your thoughts are at the forefront of your well-being.  Do not allow their insidious nature to take over.  You guard your heart and mind through your thoughts.  Someone may be able to take over physical space, but only you hold the key to your thoughts.  Don’t give it away, and keep these people out of your head.  This you do have 100% control over.
Now it’s up to you! (It always has been, actually.)
I say these things so matter-of-factly, I know.  It is work to be on guard and to be our own biggest advocate, but the payoff is freedom and power.  A very important piece of this is also recognizing the people in your life that are good for you, that love you just because they do.  These are the people that you want to surround yourself with.  These are the people that are worthy of your time, caring, and concern.  The more you surround yourself with these people, the less space there is for the others.  This is what being responsible for yourself looks like.  It’s up to you to be different.  If you’re waiting around for people around you to change, you’re on the wrong track.  Be responsible.  Nothing changes until your own thoughts and actions do.
Are you keeping that friend around who hurts your feelings or never shows up for you?  Why?  Are you keeping that potential suitor around just in case another better one doesn’t come along?  Why?  Are you still going to the family gatherings only to be treated like a stepchild?  Why?  In the pretend act of not hurting someone else’s feelings, what do you think you are doing to yourself?  Certain situations may be unavoidable at times, but that’s when I refer you back to guarding your thoughts!
We have this fairy tale that we aren’t responsible for how our lives turn out.  This tale allows us to ignore responsibility and refuse to take action, which oddly enough IS action and shows up all over our lives.  All you have to do is look at how your life is going, and I’m not talking about how you coordinate it to look on the outside.  I’m talking about your real life – how it looks from the inside.  We all know a horrible person whose life looks like it is unfairly working out so well for them.  (Someone just popped into your head, right?)  But trust me, were you able to be in their skin, it is not that at all.  So watch out for that envy!  The shiny things aren’t always what you think, and there is a price to be paid.

You are your best asset!
My Papa told me once to listen only to me in the end.  He said that people’s opinions were only worthwhile up until they start making you feel bad, vs. making you think.  As usual, he was right.  Of course. (Smile.)  I have come to understand this better as I get older and have become more practiced at it.  I was 13 when we had this talk, and dealing with some bullies at school.  I was feeling very unsure of myself, and he was very clear to me that the girls that were hating on me and bullying me were very unhappy people and wanted to make an example out of me and a few other friends.  He was very clear with me that I should not turn around and be that way to someone else in order to fit in or make myself feel better as they were doing to me.  He was also very honest and enlightened me to the fact that these people would always be around, and the best thing I could do was trust in myself.  He and my mother both taught me that being a happy person in spite of it was the best medicine.
There will be moments when you perceive that you are all you have.  You just have to remember that indeed you do!  




Proving Truth