Tag Archives: bully

Caitlyn vs. War Heroes, Christians, and the Importance of Stones

How quick we are to judge someone else’s idea of a hero.  How quickly are we to make comparisons of their hero to another hero we approve of.  Unfortunately, this is comparing apples to oranges, and only proves that we have no room to grow in our personal ideology.  It only shows our unwillingness to stand in another’s shoes and have the possibility of some enlightenment and understanding. 
I am weary of everyone comparing Caitlyn Jenner to war heroes (apples and oranges), quoting Bible scriptures about her, and poking fun at her journey.  Just because you cannot imagine it, does not make it untrue.  Just because it is not true for you, does not mean that it is false.  Who are you that you think it is okay to dictate who someone else’s hero should be?  Who are you to ridicule someone else’s idea of who their hero is or should be?  In my opinion, this is a form of bullying.  Yes I said it, bullying!
In case you are still confused or simply unwilling to figure this out on your own:
Full Definition of BULLY
transitive verb
1
:  to treat abusively
2
:  to affect by means of force or coercion
intransitive verb
:  to use browbeating language or behavior 
  
Full Definition of HERO
1
a :  a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability
b :  an illustrious warrior
c :  a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities
d :  one who shows great courage
2
a :  the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work
b :  the central figure in an event, period, or movement
3
plural usually he·ros :  submarine 2
4
:  an object of extreme admiration and devotion
For those of you who just cannot get past your scriptures and feel the need to laud them over others, here are a few (NIV) to consider before you say another word about Ms. Jenner’s journey.  Consider if you rise above any of this criteria:

  • Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.  John 8:7 NIV
    • Raise your hand if this is you.
  • But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.  If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  Matthew 5:39
    • Have you ever lashed out at anyone you were angry with – ‘ever done a vengeful deed?
  • For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.”  If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.  James 2:11
    • Have you ever cheated on someone?  Have you ever killed someone?  (No?  Did you go to war?)
  • When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.  Proverbs 23:1, 2
    • Do you overeat or drink too much?
  • Hosea Chapter 4 (You must look this one up on your own and read the whole chapter.  You will get an interesting view of yourself.)
    • This will surely give you an idea of just how much with or without sin you actually are.
  • Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.  Romans 13:7
    • How often have you been 100% honest on your taxes?
  • Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.  1John 3:4
    • Wow.  It says “everyone,” not some of you.
  • He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.  Matthew 25:45
    • How do you treat animals, people with different beliefs, children, people with disabilities, people you are not fond of, people who live a lifestyle you can’t/won’t understand?  Have you ridiculed anyone lately?
  • Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7
    • This is easy.  If what you are saying or doing does not resemble love, then you are simply doing it wrong.

As defined above, there are different kinds of heroes.  Men who fought in wars do not hold the definition of hero alone.  Caitlyn is a hero to some, and it is not any higher science that she is not seen in the same way some see a war hero.  I highly doubt that anyone is suggesting that.  You cannot compare Caitlyn to a war hero, just as you cannot compare a war hero to a brave woman who has fought her hardest to overcome a deadly illness.  Moreover, because she is not a hero to you, does not mean she is not a hero to someone else.  Likewise, one who is a hero to you may not be to someone else.  (Mind blown?)  Just because you cannot understand something (or refuse to), does not mean it is not real or true for someone else.  Perhaps it is a signal that it is time to stretch your brain, your mind, and more importantly, your heart!

On a side but similar note, how many of you that are screaming foul about Caitlyn, are yet standing firm with the Duggar family?  Here is your serving of hypocrisy and pretense for the day.
Here is what being willing to learn something new and admitting it looks like:  
After viral Caitlyn Jenner post, Salem man reconsiders — and sees some irony
The man in this article shared a post, his thoughts, and comparisons, about Jenner being considered a hero.  He just picked a fairly random photo he pulled from the web and posted it.  However, he then took it upon himself to be responsible for the picture he chose to share to illustrate his point.  He read a shocking story behind the photo and (Here is the part to pay attention to.)  instead of ignoring it, he took full personal responsibility and posted an update with the story about the picture.  Notice how many shared this man’s post initially,  then pay attention to how many shared his update.  I call the latter shameful.  It took courage on his part to change his tune once he learned something new.  How many of us are willing to do this even in the face of showing we were wrong?  How many of us would ignore it be able to hang onto an ideal?  That is called a lie, and you can refer to the scriptures above if you would like.
I get that Caitlyn Jenner is up front right now because of whom she is, her celebrity status. To that I say simply, “So what!”  This is not my plea for her to be your newest hero, or to even agree that she is one.  What is true is that Bruce Jenner was my hero and idol in junior high school.  I was even quoted in our school newspaper about that when I was interviewed for “Athlete of the Month,” or something like that.  I still think what he accomplished was amazing.  As an adult I see it a little differently and would see him as someone I admire for his past athletic talents and hard work.

Do I personally think Caitlyn is a hero?  I honestly cannot relate, and that is part of my point today.  The closest I can come to relating is memories of a version of me long ago that was uncomfortable in her own skin until I became more authentic in my life.  I am now more comfortable and a much happier person.  I can see clearly why she is a hero to many, regardless of what my personal beliefs or feelings are on the subject.  I am not in their shoes, so I will not endeavor to attempt at proving them wrong or ridiculing anyone for it.  If she makes someone in a similar life-situation feel better about themselves, gives them courage and hope, helps someone feel empowered, then who am I to throw stones?  My own beliefs are not threatened because someone else has different ones, and I do not make it mean that my beliefs are suddenly null and void or unimportant because of it.

So… about those stones you were throwing?  Instead, how about you kick rocks on your judgements and stop bullying.  Besides, realize that stone might be returned one day!

There’s Always You

They Better Recognize!
There will be those for whom you will never be enough, and that’s okay!  It’s okay because they probably aren’t enough for themselves anyway.  They are already torturing themselves without even realizing it.  Resist participation in the “Not Enough” game.
There will be those that will say one thing to you when they’re happy with you, and turn around and say the exact opposite when they aren’t.  Resist the confusion by this confused person.  It’s a ploy to pull you into their snare.  Do not enter.  You don’t need them to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong about you.  If you listen to your heart, you already know the truth of the matter.
There will be those who will intentionally say or do things to hurt you.  Let’s be clear, this person is a bully.  It may indeed hurt, but that doesn’t mean they are right.  Let someone you trust know how you are being treated just as fast and as often as you can.  Don’t keep this perpetrator’s secrets about who they are, and stop buying into the secrets you are beginning to believe about yourself.  This is how they feed!  Don’t believe the negative ad campaign, and don’t feed the monsters.
There will be those that will fall short of their promises to you.  I’m not talking about false promises; I’m talking about promises made before they had any idea of what the follow-through would have to be.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” sometimes means that person can’t hold up to their lofty promises.  Frustrating, yes, but it means nothing – absolutely nothing – about you.
There will be those who will offer to loan you money, or do other favors for you in order to have some control in and over your life.  This is one way they keep you “loyal.”  Do not deal with this person, and do not be this person.  Favors should be from the heart with no expectation of the receiver.  (And, no, I’m not talking about the legalities of a money loan.  I am speaking about  your personhood.)
Predators are everywhere, and they aren’t just of the violent and/or sexual nature.  If someone purposes to bring you down, they are preying on you.  Recognize when someone is doing this to you, and don’t fall for it.  They are lonely down there and wish you harm for their own gain. 
There will be those that discount your feelings, your health, your struggles.  Believe in yourself and don’t let these issues define you. As well, don’t let what people refuse to understand define you either.  Break free from their thinking.
There will be those that are just simply unhappy, angry people. They will create things to blame on you, and they will incite your belief and bewilderment in their story.  If it sounds outlandish, it is!  You can NEVER be responsible for someone else’s happiness.  An unhappy person will be unhappy no matter where they go or whose company they keep.  Notice that unhappiness just follows these people.  You truly never will be enough of anything for these types.  If they can’t make themselves happy, they also cannot make YOU happy.  Also, do not depend on someone else for your own happiness.  You own this one for yourself, like it or not, as do they.
If you can’t physically distance yourself from these kinds of people, at least do not allow them to take up space for free in your thoughts, as your thoughts are at the forefront of your well-being.  Do not allow their insidious nature to take over.  You guard your heart and mind through your thoughts.  Someone may be able to take over physical space, but only you hold the key to your thoughts.  Don’t give it away, and keep these people out of your head.  This you do have 100% control over.
Now it’s up to you! (It always has been, actually.)
I say these things so matter-of-factly, I know.  It is work to be on guard and to be our own biggest advocate, but the payoff is freedom and power.  A very important piece of this is also recognizing the people in your life that are good for you, that love you just because they do.  These are the people that you want to surround yourself with.  These are the people that are worthy of your time, caring, and concern.  The more you surround yourself with these people, the less space there is for the others.  This is what being responsible for yourself looks like.  It’s up to you to be different.  If you’re waiting around for people around you to change, you’re on the wrong track.  Be responsible.  Nothing changes until your own thoughts and actions do.
Are you keeping that friend around who hurts your feelings or never shows up for you?  Why?  Are you keeping that potential suitor around just in case another better one doesn’t come along?  Why?  Are you still going to the family gatherings only to be treated like a stepchild?  Why?  In the pretend act of not hurting someone else’s feelings, what do you think you are doing to yourself?  Certain situations may be unavoidable at times, but that’s when I refer you back to guarding your thoughts!
We have this fairy tale that we aren’t responsible for how our lives turn out.  This tale allows us to ignore responsibility and refuse to take action, which oddly enough IS action and shows up all over our lives.  All you have to do is look at how your life is going, and I’m not talking about how you coordinate it to look on the outside.  I’m talking about your real life – how it looks from the inside.  We all know a horrible person whose life looks like it is unfairly working out so well for them.  (Someone just popped into your head, right?)  But trust me, were you able to be in their skin, it is not that at all.  So watch out for that envy!  The shiny things aren’t always what you think, and there is a price to be paid.

You are your best asset!
My Papa told me once to listen only to me in the end.  He said that people’s opinions were only worthwhile up until they start making you feel bad, vs. making you think.  As usual, he was right.  Of course. (Smile.)  I have come to understand this better as I get older and have become more practiced at it.  I was 13 when we had this talk, and dealing with some bullies at school.  I was feeling very unsure of myself, and he was very clear to me that the girls that were hating on me and bullying me were very unhappy people and wanted to make an example out of me and a few other friends.  He was very clear with me that I should not turn around and be that way to someone else in order to fit in or make myself feel better as they were doing to me.  He was also very honest and enlightened me to the fact that these people would always be around, and the best thing I could do was trust in myself.  He and my mother both taught me that being a happy person in spite of it was the best medicine.
There will be moments when you perceive that you are all you have.  You just have to remember that indeed you do!