Tag Archives: peace

Celebrating 60: Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

This should’ve been a blog post first.

I turned 60 yesterday, and as I do every year, I found it a good occasion to post something on social media about turning a new age and thank my wonderful friends and family for all of their well wishes. But this one turned into what really should have been a blog post! So, since it is my own blog and I can make my own rules — better late than never, and now not so original… Here it is and I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for all the wonderful birthday messages that came in every way imaginable, phone calls, and gifts. When I tell you that they were uplifting, I want you to know that it wasn’t just for the sake of this post. Truly, you all made me feel so special and cared about. Some of you had me in stitches and others had me in tears.

My birthday hasn’t been the same since my grandmother passed away several years ago. Our birthdays are a day apart and it was always a fun thing. I don’t know why after this many years it still feels off, but it does. One day, I know that I will be able to see and feel it differently. For now, it just is what it is.

Another thing that occurred to me… When I turned 30, 40, and 50, I remember thinking and saying that it would be great if I got another 30, 40, and 50. But this year turning 60, well… that was a different kind of feeling. But you all definitely helped make it feel really special!

I usually write something out right before or right after a birthday, and especially when I am lucky enough to begin a new decade, such as 60. I believe I even stated that I was going to do 60 quotes in 60 days. I did them, but I am not going to share a lot of them. Some of them were too personal, and some were just too angry and hurt. What a lot of people do at New Year’s is what I do at my birthdays. I take stock and inventory, lay out what I think are some great ideas for the coming year, and feel like I can allow myself a fresh start. I usually blow over New Year’s because there’s too much candy. 😂😂😂 So this year I’m just going to be ok with where I am, still in the inquiry of where I’m standing and what I’m supposed to do next.

In addition to leaving my job and my church, I emotionally released more family, announced to some others that I would no longer tolerate certain behaviors, purposely chose to step off of other committees that I was on to allow myself breathing room, and felt that with such a heavy heart I was not giving the love and attention that those really deserved… AND the love and attention I deserved as well.

Fifty-nine was a really hard year and felt extra long. With that said, I don’t know that I would change much if I could go back. (Well, perhaps I WOULD wish to change the five friends passing away.) My health has not been the best, and that has been a struggle for a very long time, but this past year has seemed extra hard. I don’t even know what else to say about this except that I am looking forward to getting into a few studies. Crossing fingers and praying for the desired outcome here.

Sometimes we have to do things for our own well-being and it just feels so hard. So we drag our feet. I think it’s the part that makes us put off self-care — in the many ways that self-care can manifest. We don’t want to leave; we don’t want to upset people; we don’t want to lose a routine; we’re afraid we’ll miss out; we’re afraid we won’t be part of a community we are accustomed to, etc. I’m sure some of you have been there and can even add on to that. But sometimes, some things are so loudly ringing in your head and heart that something is wrong, that eventually you can’t ignore any longer what you see and hear so plainly. It’s hard when other people don’t see, don’t want to see it, or pretend not to see it. You’re seeing Mothra destroying a community and can’t understand why all they can see is a bluebird flitting about whistling a sweet tune.

I’m sure now that I have resolved to turn the page on that year, more will be revealed to me in my patience and prayer. I can say that I’ve learned a few things about myself, some worthy of repeating and others that probably need a good buffing and shine.

Times like this, as a saying goes, will show you who your friends are, and who you can count on. It will show you the ones who make your choices something personal for them instead of checking to make sure that you are okay. That sounds like a dagger, I know. It’s not. I’ve done the same thing. Sometimes choices for ourselves at first feel like a lose-lose, and some will make your personal choices mean something about them. But all will be revealed in time, usually after some fallout has made a clearing.

Some people will make light of your situations, having not been in shoes like yours, or as a way to assuage their own consciences. Forgive them. Not everyone has the strength or maybe the clarity. They either can’t know or they simply have a different agenda. And that has to be okay. Different shoes, different shoes….

Stepping away from things that are unhealthy, be it habits, food, people, relationships, communities, family, etc., is like moving to a new neighborhood, only it’s in your mind, which is worse: Where are my people? Who are these people? I don’t know where to find anything. Why is nothing where I left it? I wish I knew the secret back ways out of here. Why did I accidentally drive here by habit? I need to pay attention. This is stupid. Seriously, did God see that shit? Is God still here? I’m hungry. I’m lonely. I miss my friends. I miss cupcakes. I hate kale. I’m sick to death of oatmeal! I hate meeting new people. I’m not even sure what I know now or what I ever knew. Maybe I should go back. I don’t want to walk in there alone. Nope, I’m going to walk in like I own the place. Why do my legs feel so stiff? Why is everyone around me acting like everything’s okay?  I don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t stop thinking. Where do I belong? Oh, so this is depression?? This is some bullshit.

And it is… all of it is bullshit. Your real friends are right where you left them; in fact, I’ll bet you find new friends in the ones that were already there. But you have to make the effort. Some will happen organically, and others you will have to put forth more effort. You will lose some. It’s just the way it is. Don’t fight it. Just walk away with your feelings and let them have theirs. Some people will walk with you, some will stay anchored where they are, and others will walk a completely different direction. Sometimes, there’s really nothing to say, and probably shouldn’t be changed anyway.

Release family that is toxic. Family really isn’t “everything” when they are toxic. There is absolutely not one single reason to keep someone around who treats you poorly and is hurtful. ZERO. I recall a time several years ago where I wrote out some of my feelings. They were from my heart and well thought out. A family member lashed out at me for them, saying something along the lines of she was “sorry” she couldn’t write as eloquent as me and then went on to heavily insult me with barbs that had nothing to do with my post. This is an example of things that shouldn’t be tolerated, and also an example of how sometimes when you show up authentically, your light will hurt other people’s eyes who live in the dark instead of the truth of who they are and can be. Their insults and lashing out are an attempt to squash you and make you feel wrong for being so free. Do not let them!

God is still here. You were probably looking outside of yourself forgetting that God is in you and everywhere. Sometimes we think God isn’t giving us a sign, but what’s really going on is that we aren’t playing an active role in what we talked to God about. God is like, “Well, here we are walking together once again and you are doing nothing besides talking to me and walking in the same direction you were when we began this conversation.”

So for all appearances, I haven’t budged much from a year ago, and it may seem like I have not figured much out but for a few platitudinal instances. But just like an iceberg, more is underneath. I am one step away from where I was. The view is changing. More things are revealed as time moves on. I have no doubts that choices I made were mostly correct. The sting has lessened. The spinning will stop and I will find my steady feet again and be off in a direction that (wait for it)…

… looks more like love than expectation.
And dammit, isn’t that just the whole point? 💣🤯

Thanks for coming to my DEB Talk that probably should have been a blog post. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Thank you again for remembering me on my birthday, thank you to those who have always stood by me even when I’m difficult (Yes, I know I can be.), and thank you for the true love and kindness. Cheers to the last 59, and cruising from 60 and beyond!

If you are so inclined to reading scriptures, Luke chapter 8 has been really helpful, with an emphasis on verse 17: For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.

AI generated photo from my prompt: STARS IN MY HAND

Looking Beyond 9/11

Yes, I remember vividly where I was and what I was doing on this day at this time 23 years ago. It was horrific and a terrible way to wake up, to watch such an event knowing that people were suffering and dying as I watched safely, stunned and in disbelief from my futon in my living room on my little 20-inch TV with the rabbit ears. I was getting ready for work and had turned the morning news on like I always did. I remember trying to think of how I would explain this to my children, and wondering if anything more would happen and suddenly wondering if we, too, were in danger. I remember hardly any traffic on the road, getting to work late — we were pretty much all late — all of us stunned, crying, and hardly any patients showing up that day. The hospital was on high security alert. I remember one physician in our office, who was always crass, being just as ill-mannered as she always was, and I remember thinking I wanted to tear her hair out for being such a tremendous bitch about it, having no heart for how overwhelmed people were feeling that day. I remember just how eerily quiet it was for many days due to air and ground transportation coming to a halt, and having this disarranged thought that it was also lovely and peaceful. 

This day, memorialized each year, no longer gives me a sense of patriotism — just immense sadness. I see what we’ve become since this day and how we’ve celebrated our patriotism right into being something worse than what we thought we were before that day.

I’m not going to applaud the USA on this day. I’m also not going to have an overdue honest discussion about how American imperialism causes so many of our own issues, including the tragedy on 9/11. Today, I am just going to go quietly about my business, praying for and remembering the truly innocent souls that were lost on that day at the hands and the whim of others that also included our own “leaders.” I’m going to be grateful for the heroes of the fire departments, other first responders and even private citizens who jumped into action, not even knowing all that they were up against. They saved some, they lost some, and many of them were also lost — literally and figuratively.

The first responders were doing their jobs, but really over and above what they were paid and trained to do. Some readers may not realize that they are not obligated as a condition of their employment to run into situations such as that. So I am grateful. In all honesty, though, I do wonder that if it had been my son, who is a Firefighter/Paramedic, if I would feel gratitude. I wonder if it would just be anger or immense sadness and loss. I pray I never find out.

I’m also not going to “God bless the USA” today. We hear talk and reminisce about how we all became family on 9/11 and subsequent weeks, suddenly recognizing our connectedness, having been jerked into remembering what was important, forced into the intense moment of NOW, foregoing the thoughts of the mundane day to day drudgery. But I’m not going to applaud behavior that we should exhibit everyday towards one another no matter what is going on. The goodness that did come from that day, that eked out, should be our mere baseline.

We also saw some repulsive behavior. I know in Phoenix, Arizona, where I lived at that time, we surely did. We saw horrible acts of violence against those thought to be Middle Eastern due to our complete lack of understanding and willful ignorance.
FEAR.
ANGER with no perceived outlet.
I won’t forget that either. And I won’t forget that we still suffer from this racist affliction to this day. In many ways, whether we were there or not, we were all victims of 9/11 in some form or fashion, and continue to be.

I will pray for and remember the service women and men who were called into action either here in the states or sent over to the Middle East after this to fight a “war” that was not of their own making. I’m praying for those still in the thick of it due to a country that creates ongoing war and sends some of our most vulnerable populations to fight and kill on its behalf, that still uses propaganda from 9/11 to incite, excite, and encourage acts of war.

So, no, I won’t be raising my fists in the air chanting today, or driving around town with an obnoxious 8-foot American flag anchored in the bed of my pickup flying behind me, or taking pictures of myself wrapped in the American flag. Instead, I will be praying for the souls that were lost on that day, in the days following, and in years after because of their exposure to all of the toxic chemicals from the fires and debris. Those people got up to go to work or go wherever it was they had planned, not knowing what a horrific day it would be or how it would end. I will pray for those who have lingering physical and/or mental trauma from what they saw, what they endured, or because of loved ones they lost on that day or ones lost as a result of war. I will not participate in the furthering of war or the romanticizing of a man-made tragedy.

So today, I want to examine how I can be a catalyst for peace and look for where I fall short. I will just say, “God bless us all,” and pray that we all learn one day to come and go in peace and finally create a nation that heeds its own words written so purposefully long ago:

The Firemen and the Flag On the morning of September 11, 2001, Lori Grinker, a professional photographer with the internationally renown agency, Contact Press Images, left her apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. On her way to the subway, she glimpsed the Trade Centers on fire rising over the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. She began photographing. She quickly found her way to the Williamsburg Bridge, and walked all the way to the site of the attack at the World Trade Center where she spent several hours photographing the devastation. At approximately 3:30 pm she was standing in front of the bombed out windows on the second floor of Two World Financial Center when the three firefighters walked into her view and proceeded to raise the American flag over the smoldering ruins. Copyright copyright, Lori Grinker, 2001
“The Firemen and the Flag”
copyright, Lori Grinker, 2001
More peaceful days, please.

P.S. Here is a song I learned 20 years ago in church

“Let There Be Peace on Earth”
By Jill Jackson-Miller and Sy Miller

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me;
Let there be peace on earth,
The peace that was meant to be.

With God our creator*
We are family,
Let us walk with each other
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me,
Let this be the moment now;
With every step I take,
Let this be my solemn vow:

To take each moment and live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

Copyright by Jan-Lee Music, 1955, 1983. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
*Copyright-protected alternate lyrics.

But I Love ALL People

I often wonder if we truly came to realize how much our apathy, our overt and covert racism, homophobia, genderism (or pick an ism/phobia) hurts us on a personal level — would we finally do something about it? If we found out it was making us sick, if we felt it in our own lives, on our own bodies, in our own homes, in our own minds, would we finally be compelled to do something? Or would we still just be stuck on “right” to save face and suffer silently, or blame it on “them?” I think we put a lot of energy into saving face, and a lot of running from the truth… or even mangling it, covering it up. We think, “I’m not the one; surely it’s not me,” and even get mad when confronted.

We put a LOT of energy into this, and yet we think we remain unaffected by the covering up, the pretending, the avoidance to look at ourselves squarely and honestly. We put on a mask when we go about our daily business outside of the home, but when we return the mask is put away and we discuss all about “those people,” and we have strong opinions on people we can’t even see honestly. We pretend (or do we really believe this) that if we don’t talk about it, refuse to give it attention, that we somehow are not contributing to the racism, the homophobia, Islamic hatred, etc. We tell ourselves and others that we just won’t participate in the discussions because that would be contributing to the problem. But…

WHEN HAS IGNORING SOMETHING EVER MADE IT BETTER?

If you let it, this might set you free from the invisible box you have created for yourself and probably the children you might be influencing…. Do you know that you don’t even have to understand how or why people are who they are to just let them live, and even to love them? And here’s the REAL personal freedom…. Once you are able to embrace that, it’s no effort to embrace them just as they are. That’s where love lives, and that’s what it looks like.

We like to say that we love all people, don’t we? It sounds right, and feels good to say — even seems logical. For added theatrics or emphasis, we even wave our hand when we say it as if we’re brushing off how ridiculous it is to even have to say it out loud.

  • You have a good relationship with your Black neighbor, and your kids even play together.
    • But do you love Black PEOPLE?
  • That Muslim woman in the next cubicle is hilarious, and you frequently lunch together.
    • But do you love Muslim PEOPLE?
  • The Mexican woman who babysits your children during the past four summers is a wonderful addition to your lives and with whom you entrust your children. She even teaches them Spanish!
    • But do you love Mexican PEOPLE?
  • You’re nice to Emily, the transgender checker at the grocery store that you look forward to seeing every week.
    • But do you love transgender PEOPLE?
  • Your love your cousin who is gay and you get along great with him and his husband.
    • But do you love gay PEOPLE?

I’m sure you’re onto me by now, and may have already begun making excuses before you reached the end of the list or stopped reading the list altogether. Hopefully none of that’s true and you get the point. But if it is true, I hope you ask yourself why that is, and I hope you go even further and begin really thinking about this. One thing that can happen is that you will start showing up as the person you’ve been saying you are. You remember — the one that loves all people!

I get it. (I don’t, actually, but I do know something about this personally.) You’re secretly afraid of what other people in your circles might think. You don’t want to admit it, but it’s true. You’re afraid of what you will lose, and this is a driving force for so many of us that causes us sometimes to double down on the excuses, and why so many of us turn to apathy, ignoring, or defending all the “good people on both sides.” We are more afraid of how we might look, what we might lose, or even who we might have to talk to in a new way.

Freedom. That’s what you get. You get freedom from the excuses, freedom from toxic ideas and people. You get new vision, and you get to do the work of self-repair, self-reflection, and self-love instead of the arduous work of covering up, the laziness of apathy and tolerating, and the sweat-work of defending terrible people, systems and ideations. You get freedom from the pain of giving and being an assist to systems that hurt other people. You will lose some; you will. And then you will be free from people who won’t operate on a higher level of humanity.

Operating from this is also work, but it isn’t the kind that hurts us on a soul level or the level of hurting humanity. In fact, it’s actually restorative on a cellular level. And the best part of all… you will be on your way to telling the truth when you say, “I LOVE ALL PEOPLE.”

In the Heart Lives Justice

You can enslave a body.
You can even trick a mind into believing it’s so.
But you’ll never enslave a heart that knows its right to be free.

You can cage a body.
You can manipulate the mind to believe it’s locked.
But you’ll never smother a heart from being free.

You can cast a body into darkness.
You can convince the mind that it’s in an abyss.
But you’ll never consume the light from the heart.

You can refuse to see the effects of bondage.
You can let your mind choose deafness.
But you’ll never silence a heart that longs for justice.

You can turn away from the past.
You can silence your mind to the facts.
But the heart that has been chained will not let you rest.

You can busy the body endlessly.
You can overwhelm the mind with details.
But you can’t silence a heart that grows toward the sunlight.

You can use a body as a barrier.
You can chain a mind to the fools.
But another’s heart you cannot own.

You can kill the body.
You can kill the mind.
But the heart’s beat will be heard beyond its life.

You can take a body.
You can take over a mind.
But the heart chooses why it beats.

You can jail a body.
You can incarcerate a mind.
The heart roams where it wants.

You can beat a body.
You can gaslight a mind.
But the heart is made of freedom.

You can chain a body.
You can warp the mind.
You can’t fool the heart.

You can blind the body.
You can persuade the mind it’s captive.
But the heart will always know it beats for the whole.

You can keep a body in poverty.
You can train a mind to believe it’s stuck.
The heart will always know it belongs to the universe.

You can separate a body from its birthright.
You can teach a mind to hate.
But the heart yearns to be free from that bondage.

You can engulf the body in hegemony.
You can train the mind to ignore bias.
The heart absorbs the toxins.

You can dress a body like it’s free.
You can teach a mind to live in the masses.
But the heart will continue to cry out: No justice, no peace.

Debora Lynn Garcia

It’s okay to be still.

It’s okay to be still.
It’s okay to sit in the silence even in the presence of another.
Don’t believe for a second that nothing is happening if you aren’t in constant motion.
You are but a tiny speck in the whole of it, and it doesn’t all stop because you do.
It’s okay to wait because you do not know what to do next — or even if you do.

There is power in the stillness and the silence.
Don’t be afraid of it. The truth is there.
Healing resides there.
There are answers there. There is peace there.
There is growth there.

There is so much living in the stillness and silence.
There is so much to hear.
There is so much to see.
Don’t miss it.

It's okay to be still.

So my father died, and I was just thinking….

I got something HUGE out of sitting in the silence just now.


I was on my deck listening to the breeze, wind chimes, and my wonderful miniature wind gong.  My father died a couple of days ago.  I was taking a breather from an emotional few weeks and an emotional data dump into another solar system (well, that’s what it felt like) that I just released on Facebook a couple hours earlier.  My dear friend, Moe, sent me a note of encouragement about my Facebook post (data dump) and my previous blog post (“The Dark Soul and Little Spitfire“), and I stated something to him about how many of my blog posts have a distinct topic, but are vague or esoteric in nature.  That is by design — no accident, because it is kind of like a song.  You know how a song means different things to different people?  I might hear a song one way, and you hear it differently, or it has a different meaning for me than you.  That is the reason I am vague and casual in my blog posts many times.  I want the topic to be clear, but the parameters to be set by the reader.  This way it can have many meanings, and the meaning/s can even change over time as our thinking and experiences evolve as well.

I think my style is effective for the purposes I mentioned above.  However, here’s the meat.  What I got while sitting in the silence was how extremely ineffective it has been for me in my real, in-living-color life.  I am a natural introvert, and a reluctantly-learned extrovert; so this is a tragic, perfect fit.  There are times in life when diplomacy is most certainly called for, and a lack of it can cause more harm than good.  There are times when tact and/or caution are necessary.  But I see how tip-toeing around myself in order to avoid injury to others down my path of personal healing has only prolonged and deepened the injuries.  I am not saying one should just bulldoze over people and their feelings, but I AM saying that I have forgotten who I am to myself.  I have forgotten to treat myself like the one and only me that I will ever, ever, EVER have.  Why should I not treat myself the way I try to treat others whom I revere, and the way that I advise them to treat themselves?  So rather than opening myself up to personal things, I am… VAGUE.  And if I want to get deep with it, that’s not really an honest way of being.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I can talk and TALK about all kinds of things.  I have been told more than a few times that I talk too much!  But if you’re one to really pay attention, you would notice that next to none or absolutely ZERO of what I was talking about had anything very personal or vulnerable about me in it.  If you feel this is not true about me, then consider yourself one of the chosen extreme few.  That’s not bragging, by the way, it’s part of today’s epiphany.

I also get that my vague style of communicating personal things is a protection.  I am sure as I am Irish that it is my own training.  All the way to his death, if you didn’t agree with my father, you were going to pay.  So, I mastered “vague.”  Hell, I JUST said to my husband THIS very morning after I posted my data dump, “I will probably never fully trust anyone.” Wow. Way to go…  Team… ➟➟➟➟➟➟ of ONE!  How convenient for someone who wants to stay stuck in the beige realm.  (Is that taupe or ecru?  No one really knows.)

I will remember to revere 

myself,

and take care of 

my one and
only 

ME! ღ

Finally, what I got in the silence today is that by being vague about how I feel, or stepping around things, as my cousin and I talked about, rather than going through them, I’m setting myself and others up to be nuked or data dumped on — like today.  I have lots of feelings and words just swarming around dying to get out!  So if I pressure cook them without releasing the valve at the appropriate time, “She’s gonna blow, Captain!”  What I said in my post on Facebook, I meant.  My regret is that I didn’t say it all sooner and handle it under the category of self-care rather than anger and hurt.

An Aside:  I just took a break from writing this blog post to read some of  the comments on Facebook.  After I posted my blast, I purposely ignored it for a while.  I was fully expecting some cricket noises, maybe a few thumbs-up, and possibly some negative returns.  But I am in tears right now instead at the support I have received.  This is what happens when you put yourself on an island in your mind instead of sharing.  You begin to think you are alone in your feelings and experiences.  I am touched by the kind and caring comments, as well as some private messages, text messages, and phone calls I have received in response.  I hate to sound cliché, but my mind is just blown.  It is time for me to do the work of someone who is ready to move forward from where I’ve been stuck.

I am sad.  I am tired.  My head hurts.  I feel a little less angry today, but I see I have a ways to go, and I fully understand it is totally up to me to find my way to peace.  This is a journey I have to take alone.  I don’t mean that in that lonely, sad way — like “I don’t want anyone around” way, or “There is no one to help me” lugubrious way.  It just is what it is!  Some lessons and transformation are truly and simply a journey for one.

So, what am I going to do about this revelation?  What am I going to do next?  I’m going to buy more wind chimes, that’s for sure.  Those things are MAGIC… like Tinkerbell!  For sure I need to be responsible.  What that looks like is no longer allowing people to abuse my time, which includes family gossip and anything or anyone that just doesn’t feel good or right, or anything that puts me in the position of aligning myself with someone that consistently and purposely makes others feel bad.  After that… I need to stay present and conscious, and I’ll just keep breathing (both directions), learning, and sharing.  

Stay with me.  I’m sure my ride is not over.

ღ Love yourself. ღ

Little Spitfire
I would like to go back
and hug her so tight!

Debora Lynn

P.S.  “Follow” my blog if you want to keep up with me (button on the far right side).  Some of my posts are going to change tone.  When it makes sense, you’re going to see more clearly who I’m writing about. 


Work in Progress


Don’t get drawn in by the negativity.  It’s harder to get out than get in. When you do, simply step out.  We are all constant works in progress.  If you fall or misstep, you don’t have to stay there.  Wage peace.

Namasté.



A Day In the Life of a Sensitive Soul

Sensitive soul
Seized by ugliness
Surrounded by meanness
Hemmed in by damage
I absorb it all down through my soul
My cells weakened by it all
My soul can’t take another hit
I wonder why I am so sensitive
Why I attract damaged souls
Irrationality finds me under every glimmer
Why can’t I be Teflon

My soul craves peace, but it eludes me at every turn
Teases me at every corner
Calls out to me behind every door
Blows by the window
Wafts by my face
Flits about my nose
Taps me on my head
Brushes against me
Before it whisks away, never to stay

Too hurt to reach out anymore
Too tired of being turned upon
Too unsure of what to do next
Too bewildered by misunderstanding
Longing for days that won’t come back
Regretting choices that can’t be turned around
Betrayed by promises never fulfilled
Saddened by bottomless circumstances
Disillusioned by treacherous souls
Weary from forcing smiles
I dream of days of do-overs

It all affects me
Family, friends, health, the news, the world
I am paralyzed today
Unable to move
Laden with the weight of it all
Absorbed by my super soft cells
Like an infinite sponge
Incapable of wringing it away
Disabled by my thoughts

Knowing how some that call me love would see this
Only stumbles me more
Shoves me down further
Smothers me like a sack
At once stirs up fiery anger
And echoing sadness in a mix
That anchors me in my hole
Filled up with my own slippery thoughts
They don’t understand
And see me with eyes that lack empathy
I don’t need sympathy
But I know it’s a rare gem that feels it, too

And now the clock is speeding up
I have but hours to climb up
To fix my face, my home, my meals
To adjust my thoughts, finish my tasks
To find my smile and practice my laugh
Before my time is no longer mine alone
Because the day is more important
Because the few who rely on me mean more
At least that is what I tell myself, but really
Because only sensitive souls are supposed to know

                       by Debora Lynn Garcia



Dear Friend, I See You

Dear Friend,
I know you are struggling with some issues in your life right now.  I know you have some big concerns that are weighing on you.  I see and feel that you are hurting.
I want you to know that it is all going to be okay.  Really.  It may not feel acceptable in this moment, but if you take care of yourself it is all going to work out.  It may not be the way you want it to look or think it might look, but there is going to be something there for your higher good.  Be patient and I promise you it will reveal itself.  Be open for good to show up in spite of what is going on right now.  Love yourself more than your attachment to your circumstances. 
If your past is hurting you, I want you to consider that it is no longer happening. Whatever was done is done.  It is no longer hurting you; hanging onto it is what is hurting.  Take charge and drop that hurt on the spot and gently step forward.  Now pat yourself on the back.  This is enough for today.  Tomorrow, take another easy step forward without looking at what you dropped off.  Take a moment for a self-hug and breathe.  Purpose to care more for yourself than the hurt you were holding onto.
If you are hurting someone, consider that you are also bringing that into your own life.  The reasons don’t matter because what you are ushering into your life is the same regardless of the reasons.  Haven’t you hurt enough? It’s up to you. You are in charge of ALL of it.  Own your experience. It is, whether or not you want it, your responsibility.  The sooner you see this, the sooner you can surrender all of it.  Love yourself more.
Surrender to that which you claim you want.  Claim and own that you are peace, that you are love, that you are trust, that you are harmony, etc.  Set an example for yourself.  The rest will follow your lead.  This is how it works.
So I see you today, and I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know there is a way out that will leave you whole and wholly fulfilled.  Be willing.  Be open.  Be receptive.  Be honest.  Above all, love yourself bigger than what is going on around you.  No one has the power to take that away from you, except you, and no one has the ability to give you that kind of love except you!  That is the truth.
What are you waiting for?
With great love,
Debora Lynn




Dear God… Thanks!

Dear God, thank you for this great country I live in.  I want to thank you in advance for a country healed, a country united, a country progressing, a country that lives inside a world that works for everyone and leaves no one out.  I am grateful to live in a place that lets me pray with others and not in fear or seclusion.
Divine Spirit, please speak to those who make choices for our country that they remain mindful of its citizens.  Please remind us all to be patient with one another – we are indeed in this together as one nation, just as we are divinely one.
I pray today also for the safety of our troops abroad and at home.  Please bless them with a healing light and a light that guides them home safely.  I pray and give thanks for an end to the fighting soon.
Dear God, I pray for the prosperity of this country, as well as each individual.  Please keep us mindful of those that cannot help themselves, and those who need our temporary help to fill in a gap.  Please keep them safe, covered, and fed until they can be on their own two feet again.  I am grateful that you carried me through those times.
I am so thankful for, as I like to say, “my real life where I park my car.”  I am eternally grateful for my healthy family, and so blessed to have such wonderful children – healthy, smart, hard-working, and respectful.  Also, I stand in gratitude for a husband that supports me in whatever path I choose for myself.  Thank you for a group of parents that love me just the way I am, and even when how I am changes.  I love and am so proud of my diverse family, which includes everyone from third cousins to family add-ons that we choose, and our furry kids.  I am so blessed.
Finally, I come to you in gratitude for the gift of forgiveness – from me and for me.  I know that everything is in divine order ALL the time, and that no matter how its outward appearance shows itself to me, You have the master plan.  Thank you for the many blessings of your divine love.  I pray these things and give thanks for all through the light and love of Jesus Christ, our wayshower.  Amen.