Reject The Summons To A False Dilemma

 “If you’re not with me, then you’re against me!” 

We take sides in family, friendships, politics, the workplace, and more!  Often, we even take pride and puff out our chests at the divide of which we are at the root, when often we probably should be hiding our faces at the damage we have done – often irreparable.  Sometimes we get so wound up in it that we can’t get out, and we collect other accomplices and victims in our ball of twine as we wind up to make sure we are not in it alone.  Then we assume that those who won’t join us are therefore on the opposing side.  Is it worth it?  Does it make us better individuals or life better when we support another person, group, idea, etc., so vehemently that relationships fall into a cavern of uncertainty or spiral down into oblivion?  Did we actually provide a measurable service for anyone?  Or, was it all done for a power-feed for our own ego or other personal gain?
Sure, sometimes we find we must let someone or something go (bad match, matters of safety, etc.), but that is not what I am talking about.  So as not to justify butting in where we don’t belong, or so obtrusively inserting ourselves where we aren’t needed, I am specifically talking about occasions and instances where we are an outside party and  have an opportunity to take a step back and “assist” only if asked.  I am talking about times where a difference could actually be made by our absence and by keeping our mouths closed – where showing our support would look more like keeping our personal thoughts in our heads vs. putting them into someone else’s space.  I am also talking about how allowing the outcome to be whatever it is going to be without interjecting or injecting our personal selves into it where matters do not require our attendance, literally or figuratively.

 There is always more… or none

 Truth – this is hard to do sometimes!  It is so easy to get caught up, especially if it involves someone/something/a group that we love or despise.  We want to take sides!  Sometimes we think we have to take sides.  But do we have to?  Instead of jumping right in, how different might the outcome be if we first took some time to assess the need for us to insert ourselves in some way, and then just opted out instead?  Or in the case of family and friends, what if we just waited to be asked for assistance or advice, and then still only gave what was actually needed vs. what we personally felt?  We might stop here to consider that when we think we are helping someone with our opinions that we might actually be putting that person in an uncomfortable position with us!  They might really love us so much that they won’t say anything in order to avoid offending us.  It happens!  From there may come avoidance, distrust, dishonesty… you get the picture.  Or, you may just get an earful, and then what?  Once you have inserted yourself as someone’s steadfast ally, what will you do if they change their mind and go a different direction than what you want for them?  How are you now going to react and respond with their once-opposing side, or yet another new choice?

What I am suggesting here is to think way ahead before you jump in feet first, eyes closed, and mouth open if you are considering taking sides with someone or on something.  Once you choose sides you are dividing more than just the two entities in question.  Your energy in the matter will cause a wake.  There is more than one way to show your love and commitment to your person, cause, or group, and it does not always have to mean making the “other side” appear wrong.  Do not expect everyone to jump on board with you if you choose to take sides; and when someone chooses not to, do not fall for the false dilemma that just because they aren’t “with you” that they are “against you.”  Do not actualize an enemy or opponent where there was none.  They may simply realize they have other options, as do you.

 Here’s an idea! 

Dear Friend, I See You

Dear Friend,
I know you are struggling with some issues in your life right now.  I know you have some big concerns that are weighing on you.  I see and feel that you are hurting.
I want you to know that it is all going to be okay.  Really.  It may not feel acceptable in this moment, but if you take care of yourself it is all going to work out.  It may not be the way you want it to look or think it might look, but there is going to be something there for your higher good.  Be patient and I promise you it will reveal itself.  Be open for good to show up in spite of what is going on right now.  Love yourself more than your attachment to your circumstances. 
If your past is hurting you, I want you to consider that it is no longer happening. Whatever was done is done.  It is no longer hurting you; hanging onto it is what is hurting.  Take charge and drop that hurt on the spot and gently step forward.  Now pat yourself on the back.  This is enough for today.  Tomorrow, take another easy step forward without looking at what you dropped off.  Take a moment for a self-hug and breathe.  Purpose to care more for yourself than the hurt you were holding onto.
If you are hurting someone, consider that you are also bringing that into your own life.  The reasons don’t matter because what you are ushering into your life is the same regardless of the reasons.  Haven’t you hurt enough? It’s up to you. You are in charge of ALL of it.  Own your experience. It is, whether or not you want it, your responsibility.  The sooner you see this, the sooner you can surrender all of it.  Love yourself more.
Surrender to that which you claim you want.  Claim and own that you are peace, that you are love, that you are trust, that you are harmony, etc.  Set an example for yourself.  The rest will follow your lead.  This is how it works.
So I see you today, and I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know there is a way out that will leave you whole and wholly fulfilled.  Be willing.  Be open.  Be receptive.  Be honest.  Above all, love yourself bigger than what is going on around you.  No one has the power to take that away from you, except you, and no one has the ability to give you that kind of love except you!  That is the truth.
What are you waiting for?
With great love,
Debora Lynn