Some days I feel more than others. Some days I feel more than I wish I did. Some days I don’t wear my feelings, they wear me out. Today.
Saw a post earlier that stated how ridiculous we are at our outrage at the senseless stalking and killing of Cecil the Lion when there are so many “more important” things going on to be outraged about, i.e., cops killing black people, Bill Cosby’s nefarious behavior, mass shootings/citizen terrorists, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton. The other day some TWITS on Twitter had the nerve to remark about the latest theater shooting that “only 3 people died” in this one, and that it wasn’t “as bad as the one in Charleston.” “ONLY!”
Personally, I think it’s ridiculous that someone thinks we have to choose ONE to be concerned with and outraged over! This is the problem. Some people just don’t get that LIFE matters, and like it or not we ARE connected – whatever your ethnicity, gender, animals, plants. We (humans, of course, not plants and animals – because I know someone is going to say it) are killing each other off with guns and other violence, pesticides, depleting our precious wildlife… ALL of this is laying waste to humankind. Yes, each issue has its own set of problems, but it all ends the same… an irreplaceable life or lives lost and GONE FOREVER.
So pick one or pick several to be outraged over. They are all important, and to refuse to hear someone else’s experience with it is a fault on you, not them. It is the proof that screams that one life is actually more important than another; that one life is less important than another. They’re the same, just sliced differently from where one stands.
We’re killing each other, directly and indirectly. It’s shameful that life, in all its shapes, forms, colors, and sizes is not honored. It’s shameful that we even put ANY value on a life that is actually PRICELESS. We put value on a life form, and then we make one life more or less valuable than that one. It really all just makes me heart-sick. But no one is listening; everyone is too busy defending who they think they are when they should be listening.
All of this is important, yet:
You aren’t your badge.
You aren’t your gun.You aren’t your color.You aren’t your size.You aren’t your sport.
You aren’t your trophy.
You aren’t your penis.
You aren’t your breasts.
You aren’t your political party.
You aren’t your job.
You aren’t your degree, or lack of one either.
You aren’t your sexual orientation.
You aren’t your hair. (Just ask India Arie 🙂 )
One of my favorite quotes by Zig Ziglar sums this up nicely: You may not be what you say you are, but what you say, you are.
I would hope we strive bigger than any of those things on the list. The list does not complete a person, but we defend those things with our very lives, and sometimes with someone else’s.
You see, if you only have a problem with certain lives being mistreated and/or killed, but don’t have the very same regard for others, then there is an issue with your humanity, i.e., when you’re outraged over a black man being killed without cause by a police officer but you have no regard or even celebrate when a police officer is ambushed, when you are vehemently against abortion, yet you think we shouldn’t help feed our homeless or think they should be jailed; when you’re in an uproar over the terrorist slaughter in Charleston recently, but you think that “only three people were killed” in that Lafayette theater; when you are up in arms over police officers being ambushed and killed, but you turn the other cheek to the obvious problem of black people being murdered by authority figures; when you protest how oil and big industry is ruining our health and climate, but you fail to see the importance of trophy hunting and poaching on the very same environment, etc. I could go on, but I’m sure you see the point. If you still don’t, well…. Any time we make a particular life/lives more important than another, we by default make the other less than. On the flip side of that, any time we make something less than, we by default give the other more or make it more than. I think we would have to search long and hard to find a person who can overcome this on all levels, but my hope is that we all do our best to overcome it anyway.
All this is not to say that there isn’t a real problem in this country with guns and violence, with police brutality against people of color, with mistreatment of animals and our environment, violence against children, etc. But it does show that there is a very fine line between rallying for a cause and becoming like the opposing side in our thinking. We all have biases. It’s vitally important to know that, and to know what our individual biases are. Even more important, we should be willing to look for and see them, then act responsibly about them. If we are so busy defending our cause that we fail to see the effect on the other side, or we fail to even acknowledge that there is a problem we have truly failed, and in a bigger sense than our cause.
Every time I see a piece on some type of gun violence, I then see a piece on gun control, and then I see people who I once thought were fairly reasonable lose their minds over defending their guns. FAIL.
When I see a piece on police brutality against a black person, I then see a piece on how police are in a dangerous job. FAIL.
I have read many pieces on trophy hunting lately, and then I see pieces and posts about how hunting is a right, and then other pieces on how silly it is that we worry about the animals when #blacklivesmatter, or how Iran is going to blow us up. FAIL.
This is similar to having a conversation or argument with your spouse about how dangerous it is that he doesn’t use his turn signal when he/she drives, and then having them bounce back at you that you always forget to lock the house up at night. Both issues are important, and one is important to you and the other to your spouse. The issue may be related to a degree, yet they are completely separate issues. And here you are, each trying to make your issue more important than the other, when each has its risks and possible poor outcomes. Each of you, by making your issue the more important one, are letting your spouse know that their issue is less important or even not important at all. How would that leave you feeling? Are you caring at this point about the other issue as much as you should? Probably not! We’re so busy defending our stance, that we fail to see the broader picture, and we fail to assign any value to the other side. I wonder, because apparently I can only wonder at this point, what it might be like if we all just put down our swords and listened to each other? What if we placed importance and priority on the needs of the other? Would we lose something? Would things actually get worse? I don’t believe so. This is a super simple concept, yet we FAIL. We make efforts to get our views heard, we get shut down, and then we get louder and/or possibly violent. What would happen if we lend importance to someone else’s issue? What would happen if we dared to stop standing in defense of our beliefs and just listened without feeling threatened that we were going to lose something?
When we indicate that we think one person’s cause is not as important as our own, we are doing the very same damage we say others are doing to us. In other words, comments about #bluelivesmatter are made to counteract, yes counteract, #blacklivesmatter. And it does just that. Because you have a cause that is (literally) vitally important to you, you may think that it is more important than others, i.e., Cecil the Lion and other hunting/poaching interests, #AllLivesMatter, terrorism in other countries. This thinking, however, contributes to the problem, and in the end will assist in eradicating mankind. Yes, it’s that heavy! Any time we make our cause more important than another, we are in competition, and we are saying essentially that the other is not as important as our cause or existence. When we defend our badges as law enforcement, we just made someone else’s life less important. When we belittle another’s essence, we may as well scream out, “I am more important than you!” “You are less important than I!”
We are destroying each other. We are killing off our eco-system. So when you make ridiculing and/or discounting comments and posts about those that are concerned about trophy hunting, pesticides, blue lives, black lives, etc…. whatever is different from your concern that is largest for you now, you are assisting in the eventual demise of us all.
Here is an example. If your spouse or significant other says there is a problem in the relationship, whether you agree or not, whether or not you even noticed, then you have a problem present.
Why must we choose one over another? This is not a mental health issue; it is an issue of MENTALITY. This is not just a human issue; it is an issue of HUMANITY.
I don’t think Kavanaugh is the right choice (likely not a big surprise to anyone) for Supreme Court Justice, and I’m PISSED, but probably not the reasons 99.9% of you think. For one, I think he’s partisan. Two, he showed a piss poor demeanor during the interview. Three, I believe Dr. Ford. And my reasons why are that order of importance. The first two are pretty clear, but the third is last on my list because honestly, we fucked up. (“We” meaning mainly the left, because I don’t consider myself a Democrat). This issue with Dr. Ford could have been cleared up sooner and in a more thorough way. But someone thought it’d be good strategy to throw it out there at the 11th hour. STUPID! Have we not forgotten that the right wing folks are the same ones that obstructed nearly everything Obama tried to do (and we know why; don’t fool yourselves or pretend), AND they announced it publicly that they would? Yes, this is the party of ZERO FUCKS GIVEN. Did we think that this cute last-minute move by the left was going to actually change something??? This should have been dealt with from the first day it was made known to whoever could have done something about it. (We’ll likely never know who let the cat out of the bag. At first we were praising Feinstein, then we were protecting her from having the fingers pointed at her for doing it, so…. ) We also gave Dr. Ford a dirty deal by putting her out there like that. She should be hurt and pissed at how she was treated on all levels, by all sides. WE failed her by handling it this way, and consequently, have not helped any other victim who wishes she had the wherewithal to come forward, or possibly even someone who’s now more afraid than ever to leave her/his abuser.
Remember Merrick Garland? How about Gorsuch? Remember the obstruction and the speedy push-through? How about ALL of the various politicians over the years that are KNOWN for sexual misconduct of various degrees – on both sides? There are self-serving hypocrites on both sides of the aisle, and I’m not just talking about the politicians! We are just as bad when we turn a BLIND EYE to what our party does, but then turn around and blast the other party for similar offenses. Both sides do this! In MY lifetime, there was nothing comparable to the pre-announced obstruction of the right wing when Obama was in office, and if you say this is false, you’re just a liar. In the old neighborhood, we used to say “Don’t start none, won’t be none,” but now you all are surprised at the pushback you are getting from the Dems. I don’t know who to point and laugh at harder and louder – the right or the left! We are getting NOWHERE; well, maybe we’re spiraling downward faster.
If you want something to change, then WE have to change – change the way we VOTE, and certainly change our expectations to a higher plane for our public SERVANTS. Start by INVESTIGATING your own candidates at least as much as the others, and PAY ATTENTION to ALL that your representatives are doing WHILE they’re in office! They lie so much, and though they are supposed to be serving us, they are indeed SELF-SERVING. STOP TURNING YOUR HEAD WHEN YOUR OWN CANDIDATE OR PARTY DOES A DIRTY DEED! You can’t keep pointing the finger at the other party and wonder how we got here. We can’t change THEIR house; we can only change OUR house!
The Dems are the party of ELEVENTH HOUR ORCHESTRATED OUTRAGE. How many times are we going to protest, write letters, complain, etc. when we want something done, and one of them finally shows up at the 11th hour with some fire and brimstone speech. You know what we do? We idiotically cheer them on then, lifting them on our shoulders like some kind of frigging hero. GIVE ME A F’ING BREAK! Just off the top of my head Warren, Obama, Harris and Booker come to mind. (Side note: have you paid attention to the records of these folks, or do you just like how they speak and look?)
You want change? Get off the teats of MSNBC, CNN, Fox, etc. Get OFF the websites that ONLY support YOUR opinion. Start using the ol’ thinkie-thing again! And probably the most important of all, stop being afraid to vote in CHANGE. Let’s get these frigging dinosaurs and limp noodles out of there! I still can’t forget how many people were afraid to vote for a third party SIMPLY because they thought that the candidate’s stated goals were too lofty. That is SAD! We keep saying what a great country this is and flexing our biceps about it – except at the polls! When did we become so afraid of having lofty goals? I thought that’s what this country was about. NOTHING is going to change if we keep voting in these mealy-mouthed, late-comer dinosaurs! This isn’t a football game (or pick your sport) where we should e rooting for the side whose jersey we wear! This is much more important than to be so shallow!
Trump is the slimiest of slimeballs. He is disgusting, and just generally a terrible human being. And PLEASE don’t try to tell me what he does for the veterans! If you’re a veteran and/or stand by him for veterans, you are being foolish. Google it! In addition, do you actually think he gives two shits about the flag? He doesn’t. But I digress…. ‘You know why he’s the president? Because of 52% of white women + Hillary Clinton (and her DNC partners in crime.) That’s the TRUTH.
Now don’t get me wrong; I’ll get out there and protest (body-willing). But our keyboards, streets, sidewalks, and Capitol steps CANNOT be the only place we do legwork! Take a trip through the voting archives online to see how they’re voting in Washington DC, and equally important if not more so, look at your local public servants’ records! Pay attention to when they step in and throw out some convenient outrage and action. Look to see who their donors are! Don’t be lazy and rely solely on the biased mainstream media. Stop wasting your time trying your best to make the other side look bad while your own side is sneaking under the radar with some janky mess!
You say you want things to get better and you want to see change? Then open your eyes. Open your mind. Don’t be fooled by party lines; they’re ALL about privilege and self-serving. Be a brave American and don’t be afraid to change your mind. Then VOTE with an educated, courageous mind!
So many of us live in fear. I’m not saying that we go around hiding or shaking in our boots (though some might). What I am saying is that many of us operate out of fear, rather than love, and it shows in the way we treat people — even in our silence.
If we operated from love, I wouldn’t be writing this, and the world would look a whole lot different! For one, the conversations about race and gender inequality wouldn’t exist because neither subject would carry weight. We would treat family like… well, family! We wouldn’t see power-hungry bosses and co-workers stepping on others to gain ground or intimidate. We wouldn’t see power struggles in relationships, nor abuses of various kinds. Bullying would be unknown. We wouldn’t have the need to prove our superiority over another.
The current climate has brought out all kinds of fear; you can hear it in conversations and it thumps around in daily life. This is nothing new, but I suggest that the energy in our spaces right now has forced this nastiness upward and forward from the mires. Sometimes fear looks like hate; sometimes it looks like anger; sometimes it looks like sadness, or many other related negative emotions and actions. What it doesn’t look like is love for all, including love for self. Cooperation, collaboration, and affinity are abundantly missing in all walks of life.
Some of us are fearful of losing something if we contribute to others — the “what” that we fear is boundless. It could be money, footing, stature, reputation, family, friends, love… you name it! Unfortunately, when motives are fear-driven they come out in ways that we have several labels for, i.e., hate, bigotry, violence, misogyny, rudeness, bitterness, racism, homophobia, etc. I cannot imagine that there is one among us who never falls into the fear trap. I know I fall, and it is not pretty!
Though there are clearly many ways love and fear is each expressed, for the sake of this post, I am particularly speaking about making room for others to be on the same ground. I am talking about the absolute truth of helping, giving, allowing others to be and have the exact same allowances and how we do not lose a single thing in the process. Many who are “on top” view equal rights as a pie, and feel that if they give another the exact same space that they are in, that they lose a piece of their ground or a slice of their pie. But this is only true when we are speaking about an actual pie! (But even then I will argue that sharing is awesome, and you’ll still receive a wonderful intangible in return!)
Self-reflection time: Where in your life do you take issue with another having what you already have, be it property, pay, rights, housing, health… anything? Where in life do you hear yourself complaining about another that has requested the same fairness in life that you receive? If at this point the voice in your head just said, “I’m not prejudiced, but…,” or “I’m not a bigot, but…,” or “I believe in equal rights, but…,” or “I’m not a racist, but…,” or “I’m always nice, but….” Man, your “but” just told all about what’s really going on. Did you hear it? It was REALLY FAST so you might have missed it. Our “buts” will show our butts every time!
If at THIS point you have now gone into the discussion about “deserving,” and who deserves or doesn’t deserve something, you’re deflecting. Yes, you really are. This looking at self in the mirror thing doesn’t always feel good (at first), but it’s a practice we all need to be in. Your view of life is not the same as another’s, and it is no less or more accurate either. It is no less or more important. Your view and experience of life is not THEE view or experience, rather merely one in a myriad of views and experiences.
Questions to ask yourself:
Is it really any wonder why we see anger from marginalized groups?
“When I uplift even one to equal standing, I lose nothing and gain it all — not only for myself, but for all of us. Likewise, the converse is true. Remember that one can and will cause a collective.
It is impossible to give more than I have, and completely possible to gain more than I dreamed when I pursue love-multiplied as my only agenda.”
The way I see it, we have two choices – LOVE and FEAR. Super simple! Now if you choose love, it does not mean that you have to agree, or even understand, but it does mean that you are giving others space to be who they are and to express how life is for them in a way that you can’t possibly understand. Again, you lose NOTHING. Who knows, you could even learn something and find out how ridiculous and unknowing you may have been before (which I strongly suspect is the reason so many of us refuse this opportunity)! Or you could realize how to be part of a solution, and/or how you might have been part of the problem.
Start today coming from your heart, and retrain your ears and mind to open up to those you have disregarded and discarded in the past based solely on things you can’t or refuse to relate to. Search your conscience for where you have turned it off in order to be okay with your discounting of others. Acknowledge the humanity in all, and the fact that we really all yearn for the same essentials. Listen to someone you might not have before, and not to gain anything for yourself, but just out of love. It’s a win-win. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and you’ll start gaining faster if you listen more than you speak!
Love,
Debora
P.S. Let me know if you’ve been brave enough to start giving people space to be who they are, and what you’re learning.
CHEERS to those with invisible and chronic illnesses. Wishing all of you WARRIORS a blessed new year! May 2018 bring us all a rejuvenated and renewed strength.
I want to remind you that we all have super powers, though some may choose to see us as weak. We are anything BUT that! Do not let those apathetic ones steal your energy or happiness, your last “spoon,” or an ounce of your wellness. While we may feel low and even unproductive at times, it takes courage and inner strength to get up and face each day. It takes a wise warrior to rise up to a day filled with unknowns, and also to know when it’s time to rest and turn inward. It takes resolve to do our darnedest to walk through the fire of a flare each day, and being so good at “acting well” that we fool many around us. Those are our warrior super powers! We are not weak; those that judge us are weak in spirit and mind.
Relish the good days, and even the down days. There is much to celebrate still; don’t let “it” consume your joy. Know that we are a strong community, and you are not alone in your struggle.
But why aren’t we doing this every day regardless of circumstances? Why aren’t we doing less talking and more listening in the first place — and in all places and for all people? Why do we wait until a terrible thing that showed us what a lack of love and conscience looks like, to remember to “just love?”
What does your “just love” look like? What does it mean? Are certain individuals or groups left out? You see, if our “just love” is meant to invoke a loving change or a change for more love, then it begins with you, me, the person stating it — not “them,” or over there somewhere. If your “just love” is meant as a plea or a reminder for people to change their hearts and minds, this must also apply to you. Otherwise it is an empty plea.
“Just love” doesn’t mean that you have to start agreeing with everybody. What it looks like (if you actually want change) is the willingness to hear people that may think or act or look differently than you. It’s real easy and a cop-out from your statement to “just love” the same people that you just loved the day before the tragedy. There is absolutely no change in that. So when the dust settles from the current tragedy, guess what we have! We have the same thing we had before the tragedy — the very thing that we said we didn’t want to see any more of.
Debora Lynn: 