We are like the trees
Whose roots we don’t see
Yet they’re there
And we need no proof
Intertwining
Digging deeper
Permeating layers
Cohabitating
Sharing resources
Communicating silently
The things that aren’t said
We only want to care for each other
But the roots have been forgotten
Thank you for all the wonderful birthday messages that came in every way imaginable, phone calls, and gifts. When I tell you that they were uplifting, I want you to know that it wasn’t just for the sake of this post. Truly, you all made me feel so special and cared about. Some of you had me in stitches and others had me in tears.
My birthday hasn’t been the same since my grandmother passed away several years ago. Our birthdays are a day apart and it was always a fun thing. I don’t know why after this many years it still feels off, but it does. One day, I know that I will be able to see and feel it differently. For now, it just is what it is.
Another thing that occurred to me… When I turned 30, 40, and 50, I remember thinking and saying that it would be great if I got another 30, 40, and 50. But this year turning 60, well… that was a different kind of feeling. But you all definitely helped make it feel really special!
I usually write something out right before or right after a birthday, and especially when I am lucky enough to begin a new decade, such as 60. I believe I even stated that I was going to do 60 quotes in 60 days. I did them, but I am not going to share a lot of them. Some of them were too personal, and some were just too angry and hurt. What a lot of people do at New Year’s is what I do at my birthdays. I take stock and inventory, lay out what I think are some great ideas for the coming year, and feel like I can allow myself a fresh start. I usually blow over New Year’s because there’s too much candy. 😂😂😂 So this year I’m just going to be ok with where I am, still in the inquiry of where I’m standing and what I’m supposed to do next.
In addition to leaving my job and my church, I emotionally released more family, announced to some others that I would no longer tolerate certain behaviors, purposely chose to step off of other committees that I was on to allow myself breathing room, and felt that with such a heavy heart I was not giving the love and attention that those really deserved… AND the love and attention I deserved as well.
Fifty-nine was a really hard year and felt extra long. With that said, I don’t know that I would change much if I could go back. (Well, perhaps I WOULD wish to change the five friends passing away.) My health has not been the best, and that has been a struggle for a very long time, but this past year has seemed extra hard. I don’t even know what else to say about this except that I am looking forward to getting into a few studies. Crossing fingers and praying for the desired outcome here.
Sometimes we have to do things for our own well-being and it just feels so hard. So we drag our feet. I think it’s the part that makes us put off self-care — in the many ways that self-care can manifest. We don’t want to leave; we don’t want to upset people; we don’t want to lose a routine; we’re afraid we’ll miss out; we’re afraid we won’t be part of a community we are accustomed to, etc. I’m sure some of you have been there and can even add on to that. But sometimes, some things are so loudly ringing in your head and heart that something is wrong, that eventually you can’t ignore any longer what you see and hear so plainly. It’s hard when other people don’t see, don’t want to see it, or pretend not to see it. You’re seeing Mothra destroying a community and can’t understand why all they can see is a bluebird flitting about whistling a sweet tune.
I’m sure now that I have resolved to turn the page on that year, more will be revealed to me in my patience and prayer. I can say that I’ve learned a few things about myself, some worthy of repeating and others that probably need a good buffing and shine.
Times like this, as a saying goes, will show you who your friends are, and who you can count on. It will show you the ones who make your choices something personal for them instead of checking to make sure that you are okay. That sounds like a dagger, I know. It’s not. I’ve done the same thing. Sometimes choices for ourselves at first feel like a lose-lose, and some will make your personal choices mean something about them. But all will be revealed in time, usually after some fallout has made a clearing.
Some people will make light of your situations, having not been in shoes like yours, or as a way to assuage their own consciences. Forgive them. Not everyone has the strength or maybe the clarity. They either can’t know or they simply have a different agenda. And that has to be okay. Different shoes, different shoes….
Stepping away from things that are unhealthy, be it habits, food, people, relationships, communities, family, etc., is like moving to a new neighborhood, only it’s in your mind, which is worse: Where are my people? Who are these people? I don’t know where to find anything. Why is nothing where I left it? I wish I knew the secret back ways out of here. Why did I accidentally drive here by habit? I need to pay attention. This is stupid. Seriously, did God see that shit? Is God still here? I’m hungry. I’m lonely. I miss my friends. I miss cupcakes. I hate kale. I’m sick to death of oatmeal! I hate meeting new people. I’m not even sure what I know now or what I ever knew. Maybe I should go back. I don’t want to walk in there alone. Nope, I’m going to walk in like I own the place. Why do my legs feel so stiff? Why is everyone around me acting like everything’s okay? I don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t stop thinking. Where do I belong? Oh, so this is depression?? This is some bullshit.
And it is… all of it is bullshit. Your real friends are right where you left them; in fact, I’ll bet you find new friends in the ones that were already there. But you have to make the effort. Some will happen organically, and others you will have to put forth more effort. You will lose some. It’s just the way it is. Don’t fight it. Just walk away with your feelings and let them have theirs. Some people will walk with you, some will stay anchored where they are, and others will walk a completely different direction. Sometimes, there’s really nothing to say, and probably shouldn’t be changed anyway.
Release family that is toxic. Family really isn’t “everything” when they are toxic. There is absolutely not one single reason to keep someone around who treats you poorly and is hurtful. ZERO. I recall a time several years ago where I wrote out some of my feelings. They were from my heart and well thought out. A family member lashed out at me for them, saying something along the lines of she was “sorry” she couldn’t write as eloquent as me and then went on to heavily insult me with barbs that had nothing to do with my post. This is an example of things that shouldn’t be tolerated, and also an example of how sometimes when you show up authentically, your light will hurt other people’s eyes who live in the dark instead of the truth of who they are and can be. Their insults and lashing out are an attempt to squash you and make you feel wrong for being so free. Do not let them!
God is still here. You were probably looking outside of yourself forgetting that God is in you and everywhere. Sometimes we think God isn’t giving us a sign, but what’s really going on is that we aren’t playing an active role in what we talked to God about. God is like, “Well, here we are walking together once again and you are doing nothing besides talking to me and walking in the same direction you were when we began this conversation.”
So for all appearances, I haven’t budged much from a year ago, and it may seem like I have not figured much out but for a few platitudinal instances. But just like an iceberg, more is underneath. I am one step away from where I was. The view is changing. More things are revealed as time moves on. I have no doubts that choices I made were mostly correct. The sting has lessened. The spinning will stop and I will find my steady feet again and be off in a direction that (wait for it)…
… looks more like love than expectation.
And dammit, isn’t that just the whole point? 💣🤯
Thanks for coming to my DEB Talk that probably should have been a blog post. 😂🤷🏻♀️ Thank you again for remembering me on my birthday, thank you to those who have always stood by me even when I’m difficult (Yes, I know I can be.), and thank you for the true love and kindness. Cheers to the last 59, and cruising from 60 and beyond!
If you are so inclined to reading scriptures, Luke chapter 8 has been really helpful, with an emphasis on verse 17: For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.
Yes, I remember vividly where I was and what I was doing on this day at this time 23 years ago. It was horrific and a terrible way to wake up, to watch such an event knowing that people were suffering and dying as I watched safely, stunned and in disbelief from my futon in my living room on my little 20-inch TV with the rabbit ears. I was getting ready for work and had turned the morning news on like I always did. I remember trying to think of how I would explain this to my children, and wondering if anything more would happen and suddenly wondering if we, too, were in danger. I remember hardly any traffic on the road, getting to work late — we were pretty much all late — all of us stunned, crying, and hardly any patients showing up that day. The hospital was on high security alert. I remember one physician in our office, who was always crass, being just as ill-mannered as she always was, and I remember thinking I wanted to tear her hair out for being such a tremendous bitch about it, having no heart for how overwhelmed people were feeling that day. I remember just how eerily quiet it was for many days due to air and ground transportation coming to a halt, and having this disarranged thought that it was also lovely and peaceful.
This day, memorialized each year, no longer gives me a sense of patriotism — just immense sadness. I see what we’ve become since this day and how we’ve celebrated our patriotism right into being something worse than what we thought we were before that day.
I’m not going to applaud the USA on this day. I’m also not going to have an overdue honest discussion about how American imperialism causes so many of our own issues, including the tragedy on 9/11. Today, I am just going to go quietly about my business, praying for and remembering the truly innocent souls that were lost on that day at the hands and the whim of others that also included our own “leaders.” I’m going to be grateful for the heroes of the fire departments, other first responders and even private citizens who jumped into action, not even knowing all that they were up against. They saved some, they lost some, and many of them were also lost — literally and figuratively.
The first responders were doing their jobs, but really over and above what they were paid and trained to do. Some readers may not realize that they are not obligated as a condition of their employment to run into situations such as that. So I am grateful. In all honesty, though, I do wonder that if it had been my son, who is a Firefighter/Paramedic, if I would feel gratitude. I wonder if it would just be anger or immense sadness and loss. I pray I never find out.
I’m also not going to “God bless the USA” today. We hear talk and reminisce about how we all became family on 9/11 and subsequent weeks, suddenly recognizing our connectedness, having been jerked into remembering what was important, forced into the intense moment of NOW, foregoing the thoughts of the mundane day to day drudgery. But I’m not going to applaud behavior that we should exhibit everyday towards one another no matter what is going on. The goodness that did come from that day, that eked out, should be our mere baseline.
We also saw some repulsive behavior. I know in Phoenix, Arizona, where I lived at that time, we surely did. We saw horrible acts of violence against those thought to be Middle Eastern due to our complete lack of understanding and willful ignorance.
FEAR.
ANGER with no perceived outlet.
I won’t forget that either. And I won’t forget that we still suffer from this racist affliction to this day. In many ways, whether we were there or not, we were all victims of 9/11 in some form or fashion, and continue to be.
I will pray for and remember the service women and men who were called into action either here in the states or sent over to the Middle East after this to fight a “war” that was not of their own making. I’m praying for those still in the thick of it due to a country that creates ongoing war and sends some of our most vulnerable populations to fight and kill on its behalf, that still uses propaganda from 9/11 to incite, excite, and encourage acts of war.
So, no, I won’t be raising my fists in the air chanting today, or driving around town with an obnoxious 8-foot American flag anchored in the bed of my pickup flying behind me, or taking pictures of myself wrapped in the American flag. Instead, I will be praying for the souls that were lost on that day, in the days following, and in years after because of their exposure to all of the toxic chemicals from the fires and debris. Those people got up to go to work or go wherever it was they had planned, not knowing what a horrific day it would be or how it would end. I will pray for those who have lingering physical and/or mental trauma from what they saw, what they endured, or because of loved ones they lost on that day or ones lost as a result of war. I will not participate in the furthering of war or the romanticizing of a man-made tragedy.
So today, I want to examine how I can be a catalyst for peace and look for where I fall short. I will just say, “God bless us all,” and pray that we all learn one day to come and go in peace and finally create a nation that heeds its own words written so purposefully long ago:
P.S. Here is a song I learned 20 years ago in church
“Let There Be Peace on Earth”
By Jill Jackson-Miller and Sy Miller
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me;
Let there be peace on earth,
The peace that was meant to be.
With God our creator*
We are family,
Let us walk with each other
In perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me,
Let this be the moment now;
With every step I take,
Let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment and live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Copyright by Jan-Lee Music, 1955, 1983. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
*Copyright-protected alternate lyrics.
Whatever is going on now isn’t the end of your story or even the whole thing. It’s just a piece of the pie, a corner of your world that you’re building, creating.
Every story about your experiences, written, thought, or spoken should end with “More later….”
This memory flooded into my mind this morning in the shower seemingly out of nowhere. It must have laid dormant somewhere waiting for the right thought to release it.
I was in a place where I felt lost and alone, overflowing with my story that there was no one that understood me and no one near that I could comprehend — a place where those around me would see me fail before they would reach out or lend a hand — I walked away from all of them, every single one, ensuring that except for my young boys, I physically was actually alone… well, were it not for those neighbors.
Though her face and features have dimmed from my mind, and even her voice, I still remember these things about Ms. Patsy: her hands, the texture of her hair and the few white spots in it, her living room, and above all, the extreme kindness. That will live on in me forever. And when I close my eyes and transport myself, I remember vividly the warmth of her apartment below mine, and the smell of red beans and rice and cornbread from a particular night. I don’t believe I have ever had a pot of red beans and rice as good as the ones from that night.
Somewhere, I think I still have a borrowed Tom Clancy or John Grisham novel of hers with her name written in it. I borrowed it and never gave it back. I am disturbed that I cannot locate it. Right now, I cannot even remember her last name, but I feel compelled to find that book so that I can see it In her own handwriting on the inside front cover. I feel like I owe her at least that — to see her full name, run my fingers across it, and to say it out loud. If I find it, I will update!
The marvelous universe delivered us both to the same desert location. She was our new downstairs neighbor, and at the time I had no inkling how much I would need her later on. She was much older than I, older than my mother even at that time, in her early 70’s if I recall. I was somewhere around 27. She became a surrogate, a sort of mother/grandmother figure in the quadruplex inside of the apartment complex where I and other young parents lived. I was drawn to her. She was hip, modern, funny, brilliant, and a master at acceptance. We bonded over a love for Earl Klug, the Blues, a love of reading, and memories of the Bay Area in California where I had lived and from where she had recently retired and moved. Little did I know that at some later date she would be the one who may have saved our lives, mine at least, and for sure saved my heart and soul one evening.
We talked about so many delicious topics, and she was one of the first Black women that talked openly with me about race and social justice, and about her son who was living with AIDS. At that time there was a lot of stigma around it and it was pretty much a death sentence. I think she knew that I was open and wanting to learn about the world around me, shoes that I would never (could never) walk in, and that it would expand my perspective. She took a liking to my kids who are biracial, and I think felt it a compelling and important reason to share some of the things with me that she did. It seemed like she had lived many lives, and now that I am closer to her age at that time, I understand.
We would sit out on the stoop with neighbors between all of our apartments and chat for hours about all kinds of things. Our kids would run around out front in the little play area or sit in one of our living rooms watching TV and playing games. I found her fascinating, powerful, brave, funny, and loving. She was as outgoing as she was outspoken. I admired that.
When Ms. Patsy first came to us, I was married with two young boys, not realizing there was a series of heavy, life-altering events ahead. Not long after she moved in, I became pregnant with my third child, and shortly after he was born my husband and I separated. The boys and I stayed at the apartment.
At the time of the separation, I was a member of a religious organization that was extremely rigid and stifling. I received a lot of rhetoric for separating from my husband, and I was very unhappy at treatment that not only I was receiving from some of the women in my congregation, but also how they were treating another young sister after a family tragedy.
I was unemployed and chose to go to allied health school to make myself more marketable for employment. I needed a way to sustain my family. When I received strong criticism from the elders in the congregation and was ostracized and harrassed by some of the other wives for doing so, I felt it was just too much more to bear and I walked away from my entire community. To this day, I can’t imagine how they expected me to care for my family without finding a way to obtain a decent job. Except for my boys, I had absolutely no family near me, and no friends outside of the congregation… well, were it not for those neighbors.
We were poor — not broke, poor. I went from being a housewife and stay-at-home mother, and an active member of a full congregation, to a student and single mother of three boys (one of whom was an infant) without any friends or family around in the same month. We had no telephone. There were no cell phones in that day, no internet or email. In order to call my mother, I had to walk to another building in the apartment complex and call her collect on a payphone. I had no transportation. I had no money of my own. I had a neighbor drive the boys and me to the Department of Economic Security (DES) so that I could apply for food stamps and “welfare.” I was terrified, depressed, bewildered and overwhelmed, but determined.
My neighbors, and especially Ms. Patsy, leaned into me. It was EVERYTHING. They were encouraging, kept me company, and would even help me with the boys once in a while so that I could study for tests or finish homework.
In the morning, I would walk with all of the kids to take my oldest son to school about a half mile down the street. Some mornings, their father would pick up the younger two and take them to daycare a few miles away. Sometimes, I had to walk them. From there, I would go to school which was another half mile from our apartment in the opposite direction from my oldest son’s school. It was a lot of walking. But I was determined to finish this 9-month program that so many people worked hard to convince me was a ridiculous endeavor. At the end of my school day, I would walk back the mile to my oldest son’s school, and from there we would walk another two or three miles to the other side of the freeway to pick up his younger brothers from daycare and go home.
One morning in February 1993, our electricity was turned off for nonpayment. It felt like another hit, but I knew I had to get us to school so I put it out of my mind and told myself I would deal with it later that day. I left school a little bit early that day hoping to get a ride from a friend when I got home later to go pay the bill. It began to rain. I wasn’t expecting it and I was not properly prepared. It was very cold, and I had on my nursing whites, which consisted of white starched and creased pants and a white blouse, as well as my white nursing shoes and knee-highs, and a white lab coat. This is what was mandatory for us to wear to school back in that day. Thankfully, I had a decent winter coat left over from my days of living in California. So I hurried down the street to my son’s school, dragging a folded up umbrella stroller as fast as I could. It wasn’t raining super hard at this time, but it was cold and I was definitely getting wet. I picked up my son and we went on our way. He thankfully had a winter jacket that my mother had purchased for him, and put his hood on.
As we began our walk, it was still raining, mostly drizzling. By the time we had reached the daycare to pick up the two younger ones, it was pouring and we were pretty soaked. I bundled up my 4-year-old as best I could, and put my infant in the umbrella stroller. He had on a little sweater and sweatpants and had a blanket. As we began rushing as fast as we could towing a 4-year-old and pushing an infant, thunder and lightning began and it was raining so hard that I could barely see. When we left the daycare, I had draped my coat over my infant son to keep him warm and dry, but it was raining so hard that we were all wet. My lab coat and pants felt like a drape of ice. It was so cold. It was just SO cold! All I could think of was how cold I was, and how miserable this must be for all my babies. At one point, all four of us were crying. But we just kept walking. I don’t know what other choice we had! I was a mess. I could feel the mascara running into my eyes, and I was consumed with grief and fear.
It all just felt like too much that day. I had another six or seven months to go in school to finish my certification, and another month or more of cold weather. I didn’t feel like I could do it. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to quit. I thought about dying. But even that felt like too much to think about, and like a betrayal to my kids, to my mom. I felt like I was failing and letting my kids and myself down. I was lonely. I was tired. I couldn’t see for the life of me how I was going to make this work.
I was just so damned cold, frozen to my core, it felt.
By the time we reached our apartment complex, my face, hands, legs and feet were numb and burning with the cold, and I knew it must be the same for the boys. Our clothes and shoes were completely soaked through. I was scared to death that my kids would get sick and I wouldn’t be able to afford to take them to the doctor or have to miss school.
As we approached our building, all I could think about was laying down and just sleeping forever. And then I remembered… the power was off! This meant that I had no heat and no way to cook what little food we had.
THIS
WAS
ALL
JUST
TOO
MUCH.
I had to walk past Ms. Patsy’s patio to get to the stairs to my apartment above. At the realization of the power and food situation, I burst into a wail. The kids were bawling. At that moment, Ms. Patsy came out onto her patio, hands to her mouth when she saw us. I just looked at her and could not stop crying. I was probably blubbering unintelligibly.
She instructed us to immediately come into her apartment. I didn’t even try to resist. We walked into her foyer, all of us dripping and frozen. She dumped towels over us, and went into her bedroom and retrieved a pair of sweatpants and large t-shirt and some socks. She handed them to me and told me to go into the bathroom and change. She said she would take care of the boys. I barely even recall what she put on them — I think it was just some T-shirts. I remember how relieved I was that they were dry and warm because of her. It was so warm in there, and it smelled so good! Something on the stove just smelled like love, warmth, and safety. And did I mention how deliciously warm it was in there?
Once dry, she sat me down on her couch and just hugged me and hugged me, ensuring me that this would be the worst of it all, and that everything was going to be alright. I wept and sobbed, and she just let me. She told me that she had grown worried about us when it started raining, and she had gotten in her car to come and get me from school, not knowing that I had left a little early that day. She didn’t know which way the daycare was and had driven around just guessing, knowing that it was somewhere on the other side of the freeway.
She had a small stackable washer and dryer unit in her apartment, and had thrown our clothes in the dryer. I sat there and told her how hard it had been, all the feelings and fears I had, about the power being turned off, about the woman at DES treating me so poorly once she eyeballed my biracial children, about leaving a whole community behind, about missing my mother, and she never once told me I was wrong or tried to convince me that there was something I needed to change or do. She just listened and let me hang out in my misery for a bit. She continued to listen until I had squeezed it all out of me.
She really took care of us that evening. She invited and insisted that we stay for dinner. She had made a big pot of red beans and rice and some cornbread. She had intended on bringing it up to us when we got home that day, but of course invited us to stay and eat with her. I have to tell you again — that was probably the very best pot of red beans and rice ever, and probably because it was made and served with unconditional love.
We were there for probably about three hours while I finished crying, while we ate and talked some more, and while we waited for our clothes to dry. She offered for us to stay the night there, but I was really wanting to get into my own space, and didn’t want to be any more of a burden to her. She told me she would bring up some red beans and rice leftovers the next day, and sent me upstairs with flashlights and $60 to pay for the light bill the next day, and an offer of a ride to get there. The boys and I all slept together in one bed that night under a pile of blankets with our bones and soles thoroughly warmed.
She saved us. She loved on us. Everything changed after that night. Well, maybe not everything, but something in my head clicked and felt better. It was a dark night of the soul for me, and she was the beacon that was right where and when we needed one.
I live with regret that I didn’t thank her thoroughly or say a proper goodbye when we left that apartment complex many months later — a decent farewell befit of such a gem. I only saw her once more after that when I returned to the complex to return a cradle that I had borrowed from a neighbor. I was in such a hurry all the time, living in this massive web of survival chaos and anxiety. I pray that from somewhere on the other side of the veil she knows the deep gratitude I have.
This memoir is the flowers and the grateful and loving words I wish I would have given her back then, our dear Ms. Patsy.
Love,
Debora
P.S. I finished school that August with a 3.90 gpa. I got my certification and completed an externship. I got a job. I bought a car. I missed my mother and moved back to my hometown 10 years later. My kids grew up. I have three grandchilden, three dogs, one cat, and one husband.
Loyalty can be a positive or a negative quality. It’s always worth taking a closer look when someone claims that attribute.
Loyalty is only as good as the person, group, or cause for which the loyalty is given.
Sometimes it’s completely worthy, but it can also be toxic.
Loyalty to an abusive individual because they haven’t done anything to you or because you’re family… TOXIC. You’re complicit in the perpetuation of abuse.
Loyalty to someone who did you that big favor but is actively destructive with others… TOXIC. Plato said: Silence is consent.
Examine the loyalty. Examine YOUR loyalty.
You are up to the challenge. You have it in you to take the charge. Someone will receive a blessing because of you. You are making a difference just by showing up. You have just the right story for this moment. There is no one but you for this space.
🌠 YOU are THE right person for this time. 🎇
Personally, I find it difficult to activate that mantra when I am dealing with people who think it’s optional that people different from them, or those they don’t dare to understand, should be allowed to live their lives the same as the “rest of us” (OMG, that’s such a HUGE othering phrase!). I mean, what WOULD Jesus do with the folks that think it is their right to abuse, oppress, or ridicule someone else? Shouldn’t they be punished in some way? But then, I don’t believe in a God that punishes. So I find myself repeatedly examining what IS mine to do about people who stick to their guns (figuratively and literally) when it comes to their prejudices knowing that the backbone of prejudice is generally a lack of knowledge or experience.
Maybe there’s nothing for me to do… maybe there’s nothing that can be done. Maybe doing nothing and pretending this doesn’t happen is the thing to do. Right? It doesn’t affect me, so I’m just going to be positive, not talk about the hard things, and it will eventually, magically fix itself. I mean, I definitely don’t want to rock the boat or make the bigots and crazy Uncle __________ uncomfortable!
Buuuuut… WWJD?
Sidebar: In the parable of the Good Samaritan as a story-lesson told by Jesus as told by Luke who was taught by Paul in answer to the question, “Who is my neighbor,” this Good Samaritan stopped and helped a stripped and beaten Jewish guy even though back in the day these two groups hated each other. No one stopped to help him — not even another Jew! They didn’t want to get involved. But this Samaritan could have passed him by because he was “different” and they didn’t agree theologically, politically or socially speaking. And yet, he showed mercy. The Samaritan didn’t stop and ask him about his sexual orientation, or if he had a criminal past, didn’t care if he had piercings, didn’t know if he had a home or not, knew nothing of the presence of any addictions, didn’t ask if he was identified as a female at birth, had no clue if he had a side gig dressing in women’s clothing and partying like it’s 1999… he only moved on “love (the greatest commandment or law of all) thy neighbor.” WWJD? That.
It’s not hard to guess how Jesus would have treated trans folks, brown, black, or white folks (In case you missed the geography and ancestry lessons, Jesus wasn’t white.), gay and queer folks, drag queens, people without homes, immigrants (especially the brown ones, because lordy y’all are so welcoming to immigrants from European and other Caucasian-hegemonized countries — but I digress….), prisoners, addicts, etc. I don’t think he would have found them to be of such little value at all. I also don’t believe he would have felt his existence threatened in any way by any of them, nor do I believe that he would have felt that his own existence was somehow subtracted from or made less-than by their existence, AND I don’t believe he would have felt he was in any way superior to any of them. (Taking a breath….) YES, all that can exist in the same space at the same time… much like people. <side-eye>
In fact, I believe Jesus was not only a healer, a Rabbi (hopefully if you’re a follower, this is not news to you), and prophet, but a social worker and an activist as well. And dare I say it? A socialist. <gasp> But somehow so many of us hide behind fair-skinned, blue-eyed, light brown-haired Jesus when we want to protect our prejudiced, bigoted behaviors. I wonder what Jesus would have said about that. Some of us even go to churches and other places of worship that encourage that behavior which is not like what Jesus taught at all.
In my best Jesus voice (because I do have one in my head): Oh, never mind. I’m saving that for another post. You’ll have to wait a minute.
From the very beginning of Jesus, and even the beginning of the thought of Jesus, we have resisted changing our thoughts and mindset while claiming to be a follower, a student, a worshipper. We have continually tried so hard to make Jesus wrong without saying that he was wrong out loud. We have manipulated scriptures since even before Jesus; we seek out places of worship and groups that identify and align with our behaviors that are based outside of love, and then turn around and call ourselves “saved,” as if that elevates us somehow. Declaring it doesn’t make it so, but daily behavior and thinking does — or doesn’t. Choices, right?
I mostly think we just need to be saved from ourselves. It’s not like we don’t have the instructions. We have them, but we’re satisfied letting someone else tell us what they say. And I still don’t know what is mine to do about people who can’t figure out how hypocritical they are as Christians who think they can justify limiting someone else’s existence. WWJD? I’m honestly not sure, but I’ll keep asking.
Jesus wasn’t sent here to make you comfortable and complacent. You can get your ears tickled at home. Go to church to stretch your mind and heart. If you’re in a church where your pastor won’t speak on the harsh things about humanity (or inhumanity) as well as the ones that make you feel good, tell me, who is up in there actually following Jesus then? Jesus called out ALL the nonsense! Put your grown person pants on and stop listening to the Church of Mainstream Media and Politicians who politicize pain. We’re here to expose and learn from the pain, not run from it.
I have been watching this Gerbera Daisy grow for at least a couple of weeks now. I first noticed it opening up on December 26th, and today is January 16th. This probably doesn’t seem unusual, except that we are in the dead of winter. All of my Gerberas die out in the winter and most of them come back in the spring if I have some kind of cover for them, or they are covered somewhat and protected by another plant nearby. This year, I didn’t cover it at all. I just ran out of time, and then figured whatever survived this winter in the garden was icing on the cake of life!
For context, so far this particular flower has survived freezing temperatures, hail, winds above gale force, and the most ridiculous deluge of downpours for days on end. It also normally blooms a red-orange, but is showing up yellow at this time.
For context about myself, I love gardening. It is one of my very most favorite things to do. When I am in the dirt so to speak, I have some of the most profound personal discoveries and gain insight for solving all of the world’s ills. I am at home in the garden and yard, and it is a balm for my soul and mind. It turns my often-chaotic thoughts into a peace garden. It transforms my rushing river of emotions and stinky thinking into a constructive and placid pond in a meadow. I gain so much calm and peace and clarity in the fog and storms of life when I spend time in nature. So, I’ve been learning from this beauty.
We usually think of daisies as being delicate. But this one is showing us something different. This one is showing us that there is strength in what appears to be delicate, and apparently longevity as well! Below are 35 of the many thoughts that have come up as I have observed this flower for the last few weeks.
What would you add to this list?
Debora Lynn: 