Yes, I remember vividly where I was and what I was doing on this day at this time 23 years ago. It was horrific and a terrible way to wake up, to watch such an event knowing that people were suffering and dying as I watched safely, stunned and in disbelief from my futon in my living room on my little 20-inch TV with the rabbit ears. I was getting ready for work and had turned the morning news on like I always did. I remember trying to think of how I would explain this to my children, and wondering if anything more would happen and suddenly wondering if we, too, were in danger. I remember hardly any traffic on the road, getting to work late — we were pretty much all late — all of us stunned, crying, and hardly any patients showing up that day. The hospital was on high security alert. I remember one physician in our office, who was always crass, being just as ill-mannered as she always was, and I remember thinking I wanted to tear her hair out for being such a tremendous bitch about it, having no heart for how overwhelmed people were feeling that day. I remember just how eerily quiet it was for many days due to air and ground transportation coming to a halt, and having this disarranged thought that it was also lovely and peaceful.
This day, memorialized each year, no longer gives me a sense of patriotism — just immense sadness. I see what we’ve become since this day and how we’ve celebrated our patriotism right into being something worse than what we thought we were before that day.
I’m not going to applaud the USA on this day. I’m also not going to have an overdue honest discussion about how American imperialism causes so many of our own issues, including the tragedy on 9/11. Today, I am just going to go quietly about my business, praying for and remembering the truly innocent souls that were lost on that day at the hands and the whim of others that also included our own “leaders.” I’m going to be grateful for the heroes of the fire departments, other first responders and even private citizens who jumped into action, not even knowing all that they were up against. They saved some, they lost some, and many of them were also lost — literally and figuratively.
The first responders were doing their jobs, but really over and above what they were paid and trained to do. Some readers may not realize that they are not obligated as a condition of their employment to run into situations such as that. So I am grateful. In all honesty, though, I do wonder that if it had been my son, who is a Firefighter/Paramedic, if I would feel gratitude. I wonder if it would just be anger or immense sadness and loss. I pray I never find out.
I’m also not going to “God bless the USA” today. We hear talk and reminisce about how we all became family on 9/11 and subsequent weeks, suddenly recognizing our connectedness, having been jerked into remembering what was important, forced into the intense moment of NOW, foregoing the thoughts of the mundane day to day drudgery. But I’m not going to applaud behavior that we should exhibit everyday towards one another no matter what is going on. The goodness that did come from that day, that eked out, should be our mere baseline.
We also saw some repulsive behavior. I know in Phoenix, Arizona, where I lived at that time, we surely did. We saw horrible acts of violence against those thought to be Middle Eastern due to our complete lack of understanding and willful ignorance.
FEAR.
ANGER with no perceived outlet.
I won’t forget that either. And I won’t forget that we still suffer from this racist affliction to this day. In many ways, whether we were there or not, we were all victims of 9/11 in some form or fashion, and continue to be.
I will pray for and remember the service women and men who were called into action either here in the states or sent over to the Middle East after this to fight a “war” that was not of their own making. I’m praying for those still in the thick of it due to a country that creates ongoing war and sends some of our most vulnerable populations to fight and kill on its behalf, that still uses propaganda from 9/11 to incite, excite, and encourage acts of war.
So, no, I won’t be raising my fists in the air chanting today, or driving around town with an obnoxious 8-foot American flag anchored in the bed of my pickup flying behind me, or taking pictures of myself wrapped in the American flag. Instead, I will be praying for the souls that were lost on that day, in the days following, and in years after because of their exposure to all of the toxic chemicals from the fires and debris. Those people got up to go to work or go wherever it was they had planned, not knowing what a horrific day it would be or how it would end. I will pray for those who have lingering physical and/or mental trauma from what they saw, what they endured, or because of loved ones they lost on that day or ones lost as a result of war. I will not participate in the furthering of war or the romanticizing of a man-made tragedy.
So today, I want to examine how I can be a catalyst for peace and look for where I fall short. I will just say, “God bless us all,” and pray that we all learn one day to come and go in peace and finally create a nation that heeds its own words written so purposefully long ago:
P.S. Here is a song I learned 20 years ago in church
“Let There Be Peace on Earth”
By Jill Jackson-Miller and Sy Miller
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me;
Let there be peace on earth,
The peace that was meant to be.
With God our creator*
We are family,
Let us walk with each other
In perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me,
Let this be the moment now;
With every step I take,
Let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment and live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Copyright by Jan-Lee Music, 1955, 1983. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
*Copyright-protected alternate lyrics.















