Category Archives: Health

Celebrating 60: Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

This should’ve been a blog post first.

I turned 60 yesterday, and as I do every year, I found it a good occasion to post something on social media about turning a new age and thank my wonderful friends and family for all of their well wishes. But this one turned into what really should have been a blog post! So, since it is my own blog and I can make my own rules — better late than never, and now not so original… Here it is and I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for all the wonderful birthday messages that came in every way imaginable, phone calls, and gifts. When I tell you that they were uplifting, I want you to know that it wasn’t just for the sake of this post. Truly, you all made me feel so special and cared about. Some of you had me in stitches and others had me in tears.

My birthday hasn’t been the same since my grandmother passed away several years ago. Our birthdays are a day apart and it was always a fun thing. I don’t know why after this many years it still feels off, but it does. One day, I know that I will be able to see and feel it differently. For now, it just is what it is.

Another thing that occurred to me… When I turned 30, 40, and 50, I remember thinking and saying that it would be great if I got another 30, 40, and 50. But this year turning 60, well… that was a different kind of feeling. But you all definitely helped make it feel really special!

I usually write something out right before or right after a birthday, and especially when I am lucky enough to begin a new decade, such as 60. I believe I even stated that I was going to do 60 quotes in 60 days. I did them, but I am not going to share a lot of them. Some of them were too personal, and some were just too angry and hurt. What a lot of people do at New Year’s is what I do at my birthdays. I take stock and inventory, lay out what I think are some great ideas for the coming year, and feel like I can allow myself a fresh start. I usually blow over New Year’s because there’s too much candy. 😂😂😂 So this year I’m just going to be ok with where I am, still in the inquiry of where I’m standing and what I’m supposed to do next.

In addition to leaving my job and my church, I emotionally released more family, announced to some others that I would no longer tolerate certain behaviors, purposely chose to step off of other committees that I was on to allow myself breathing room, and felt that with such a heavy heart I was not giving the love and attention that those really deserved… AND the love and attention I deserved as well.

Fifty-nine was a really hard year and felt extra long. With that said, I don’t know that I would change much if I could go back. (Well, perhaps I WOULD wish to change the five friends passing away.) My health has not been the best, and that has been a struggle for a very long time, but this past year has seemed extra hard. I don’t even know what else to say about this except that I am looking forward to getting into a few studies. Crossing fingers and praying for the desired outcome here.

Sometimes we have to do things for our own well-being and it just feels so hard. So we drag our feet. I think it’s the part that makes us put off self-care — in the many ways that self-care can manifest. We don’t want to leave; we don’t want to upset people; we don’t want to lose a routine; we’re afraid we’ll miss out; we’re afraid we won’t be part of a community we are accustomed to, etc. I’m sure some of you have been there and can even add on to that. But sometimes, some things are so loudly ringing in your head and heart that something is wrong, that eventually you can’t ignore any longer what you see and hear so plainly. It’s hard when other people don’t see, don’t want to see it, or pretend not to see it. You’re seeing Mothra destroying a community and can’t understand why all they can see is a bluebird flitting about whistling a sweet tune.

I’m sure now that I have resolved to turn the page on that year, more will be revealed to me in my patience and prayer. I can say that I’ve learned a few things about myself, some worthy of repeating and others that probably need a good buffing and shine.

Times like this, as a saying goes, will show you who your friends are, and who you can count on. It will show you the ones who make your choices something personal for them instead of checking to make sure that you are okay. That sounds like a dagger, I know. It’s not. I’ve done the same thing. Sometimes choices for ourselves at first feel like a lose-lose, and some will make your personal choices mean something about them. But all will be revealed in time, usually after some fallout has made a clearing.

Some people will make light of your situations, having not been in shoes like yours, or as a way to assuage their own consciences. Forgive them. Not everyone has the strength or maybe the clarity. They either can’t know or they simply have a different agenda. And that has to be okay. Different shoes, different shoes….

Stepping away from things that are unhealthy, be it habits, food, people, relationships, communities, family, etc., is like moving to a new neighborhood, only it’s in your mind, which is worse: Where are my people? Who are these people? I don’t know where to find anything. Why is nothing where I left it? I wish I knew the secret back ways out of here. Why did I accidentally drive here by habit? I need to pay attention. This is stupid. Seriously, did God see that shit? Is God still here? I’m hungry. I’m lonely. I miss my friends. I miss cupcakes. I hate kale. I’m sick to death of oatmeal! I hate meeting new people. I’m not even sure what I know now or what I ever knew. Maybe I should go back. I don’t want to walk in there alone. Nope, I’m going to walk in like I own the place. Why do my legs feel so stiff? Why is everyone around me acting like everything’s okay?  I don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t stop thinking. Where do I belong? Oh, so this is depression?? This is some bullshit.

And it is… all of it is bullshit. Your real friends are right where you left them; in fact, I’ll bet you find new friends in the ones that were already there. But you have to make the effort. Some will happen organically, and others you will have to put forth more effort. You will lose some. It’s just the way it is. Don’t fight it. Just walk away with your feelings and let them have theirs. Some people will walk with you, some will stay anchored where they are, and others will walk a completely different direction. Sometimes, there’s really nothing to say, and probably shouldn’t be changed anyway.

Release family that is toxic. Family really isn’t “everything” when they are toxic. There is absolutely not one single reason to keep someone around who treats you poorly and is hurtful. ZERO. I recall a time several years ago where I wrote out some of my feelings. They were from my heart and well thought out. A family member lashed out at me for them, saying something along the lines of she was “sorry” she couldn’t write as eloquent as me and then went on to heavily insult me with barbs that had nothing to do with my post. This is an example of things that shouldn’t be tolerated, and also an example of how sometimes when you show up authentically, your light will hurt other people’s eyes who live in the dark instead of the truth of who they are and can be. Their insults and lashing out are an attempt to squash you and make you feel wrong for being so free. Do not let them!

God is still here. You were probably looking outside of yourself forgetting that God is in you and everywhere. Sometimes we think God isn’t giving us a sign, but what’s really going on is that we aren’t playing an active role in what we talked to God about. God is like, “Well, here we are walking together once again and you are doing nothing besides talking to me and walking in the same direction you were when we began this conversation.”

So for all appearances, I haven’t budged much from a year ago, and it may seem like I have not figured much out but for a few platitudinal instances. But just like an iceberg, more is underneath. I am one step away from where I was. The view is changing. More things are revealed as time moves on. I have no doubts that choices I made were mostly correct. The sting has lessened. The spinning will stop and I will find my steady feet again and be off in a direction that (wait for it)…

… looks more like love than expectation.
And dammit, isn’t that just the whole point? 💣🤯

Thanks for coming to my DEB Talk that probably should have been a blog post. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Thank you again for remembering me on my birthday, thank you to those who have always stood by me even when I’m difficult (Yes, I know I can be.), and thank you for the true love and kindness. Cheers to the last 59, and cruising from 60 and beyond!

If you are so inclined to reading scriptures, Luke chapter 8 has been really helpful, with an emphasis on verse 17: For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.

AI generated photo from my prompt: STARS IN MY HAND

But I Love ALL People

I often wonder if we truly came to realize how much our apathy, our overt and covert racism, homophobia, genderism (or pick an ism/phobia) hurts us on a personal level — would we finally do something about it? If we found out it was making us sick, if we felt it in our own lives, on our own bodies, in our own homes, in our own minds, would we finally be compelled to do something? Or would we still just be stuck on “right” to save face and suffer silently, or blame it on “them?” I think we put a lot of energy into saving face, and a lot of running from the truth… or even mangling it, covering it up. We think, “I’m not the one; surely it’s not me,” and even get mad when confronted.

We put a LOT of energy into this, and yet we think we remain unaffected by the covering up, the pretending, the avoidance to look at ourselves squarely and honestly. We put on a mask when we go about our daily business outside of the home, but when we return the mask is put away and we discuss all about “those people,” and we have strong opinions on people we can’t even see honestly. We pretend (or do we really believe this) that if we don’t talk about it, refuse to give it attention, that we somehow are not contributing to the racism, the homophobia, Islamic hatred, etc. We tell ourselves and others that we just won’t participate in the discussions because that would be contributing to the problem. But…

WHEN HAS IGNORING SOMETHING EVER MADE IT BETTER?

If you let it, this might set you free from the invisible box you have created for yourself and probably the children you might be influencing…. Do you know that you don’t even have to understand how or why people are who they are to just let them live, and even to love them? And here’s the REAL personal freedom…. Once you are able to embrace that, it’s no effort to embrace them just as they are. That’s where love lives, and that’s what it looks like.

We like to say that we love all people, don’t we? It sounds right, and feels good to say — even seems logical. For added theatrics or emphasis, we even wave our hand when we say it as if we’re brushing off how ridiculous it is to even have to say it out loud.

  • You have a good relationship with your Black neighbor, and your kids even play together.
    • But do you love Black PEOPLE?
  • That Muslim woman in the next cubicle is hilarious, and you frequently lunch together.
    • But do you love Muslim PEOPLE?
  • The Mexican woman who babysits your children during the past four summers is a wonderful addition to your lives and with whom you entrust your children. She even teaches them Spanish!
    • But do you love Mexican PEOPLE?
  • You’re nice to Emily, the transgender checker at the grocery store that you look forward to seeing every week.
    • But do you love transgender PEOPLE?
  • Your love your cousin who is gay and you get along great with him and his husband.
    • But do you love gay PEOPLE?

I’m sure you’re onto me by now, and may have already begun making excuses before you reached the end of the list or stopped reading the list altogether. Hopefully none of that’s true and you get the point. But if it is true, I hope you ask yourself why that is, and I hope you go even further and begin really thinking about this. One thing that can happen is that you will start showing up as the person you’ve been saying you are. You remember — the one that loves all people!

I get it. (I don’t, actually, but I do know something about this personally.) You’re secretly afraid of what other people in your circles might think. You don’t want to admit it, but it’s true. You’re afraid of what you will lose, and this is a driving force for so many of us that causes us sometimes to double down on the excuses, and why so many of us turn to apathy, ignoring, or defending all the “good people on both sides.” We are more afraid of how we might look, what we might lose, or even who we might have to talk to in a new way.

Freedom. That’s what you get. You get freedom from the excuses, freedom from toxic ideas and people. You get new vision, and you get to do the work of self-repair, self-reflection, and self-love instead of the arduous work of covering up, the laziness of apathy and tolerating, and the sweat-work of defending terrible people, systems and ideations. You get freedom from the pain of giving and being an assist to systems that hurt other people. You will lose some; you will. And then you will be free from people who won’t operate on a higher level of humanity.

Operating from this is also work, but it isn’t the kind that hurts us on a soul level or the level of hurting humanity. In fact, it’s actually restorative on a cellular level. And the best part of all… you will be on your way to telling the truth when you say, “I LOVE ALL PEOPLE.”

The Thing About Suffering…

When you set out to cause suffering in another, you double your own and invite more of it. You cannot escape the suffering you put on others until you give up the practice of causing it, and give up your addiction to that savage, satiating feeling you think fixes you when you cause it.

This manufacturing of suffering is a vicious cycle for all involved. Life brings suffering at times on its own, this is a fact. But the manufacturing of it is something else. It’s abuse, for one thing, and manipulation. But more than that, it’s a whole cycle. The one inflicting the suffering circumstances (manipulator, abuser) is already suffering. What a horrid way to go through life — perpetrating hurt and pain on others. I’ve heard victims say that they don’t understand how the abuser lives such a good life, or gets away with their behavior. I can see how it appears that way, but I think this is mostly false.

Once the cycle starts, the target will find ways to avoid the circumstances and abusers will double-down on their victims, but the suffering continues to return to the manipulator and multiplies by a factor of their own and the person/s they’re hurting. One’s own suffering can’t actually be cured or satiated by inflicting more suffering. And if you’re the abuser, frankly, you give up your right to be angry at the change in people caused by your endless refusal or inability to be decent, or their willingness to go to great lengths to stay out of your line of fire. That’s part of the price you pay. So… more suffering.

Osaka, Biles, and Grace

There is a younger generation of leaders changing the way they are handled and taking charge of their priorities. It’s an opportunity for grace.

Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles have made me look harder at what grace really means lately, or at least what it can look like. Each has pulled out of major athletic events recently to tend to their own mental health and safety, and they have been widely publicized and scrutinized. Each was dragged on social, print, television, and radio media. But even more importantly, each was revered, lauded and applauded, and supported by so many more, and even defended on those platforms. Perhaps you are one of the people coming to stand with and behind Osaka’s and Biles’ decisions to back out of competition – or you had negative feelings when Osaka did it, but after hearing favorable commentary on what she did, you came around to a new way of thinking when Biles made a similar choice. I have no argument with those reactions whatsoever. In fact, I feel like that is progress that so many of us are showing that kind of love and support – grace, if you will. That is the loving response, and certainly the God-centered one. We should remember that their bodies and minds are sacred temples unto themselves, and do not belong to anyone other. 

St. Augustine said, “What is grace? I know until you ask me; when you ask me, I do not know.” As spiritual beings we know grace to be favor or even sincere kindness and allowance from our God-source that we grant. It is not something only God can grant. Because we have the source within, it is a choice we can make. It is at once an understanding, while we may not yet totally understand. It is a conscious choice and action that begins within rather than from factors without. Was St. Augustine correct in his assessment of grace? It is my opinion that he was, in that we sometimes forget that we have choice over this and forget from where grace begins. Romans 3:24 talks about the grace of God being given freely. Therefore, it is not a stretch to understand that it is also ours to give. We are creative expressions of the Oneness within… so let us examine where we fall short when we just forget.

These young women’s very public and personal situations bring forward important questions for us personally. First, are you showing grace to the people in your life – your spouse, neighbor, parent, child (young or grown), best friend, student, employee or subordinate, etc. – are you also giving them the same allowances, favor, and grace as you have given the famous and very public Osaka and Biles? ‘Just something to think about. Everyone has problems, difficulties, struggles. No one is immune. It might be financial disparities, physical or mental health issues, relationship struggles… there is a myriad of possibilities here. If their response does not align with what we think, or they are taking too long (in our opinions) to resolve it, or we are tired of hearing about it, what then is our response? Grace does not have to look like agreement or even complete understanding, but it will always look like support and the space for that person to be where they are while being covered in our love. 

Finally, and extremely important, are you also standing up for yourself? Are you giving your own sacred self the same grace that you are giving these very gifted athletes and others in your life? We often see a bit of our own humanity in others when they go through some ordeal publicly, or when someone we love is in the middle of maneuvering complex decisions. Yet, there are times when we assign more importance to someone else’s plight. There are times when it feels easier to publicly give someone outside of us grace and then walk back into our own lives and drop that mantle outside our own front door. We may not even realize we do that. Self-deprecating actions can be unconscious and habitual. Remember that you are deserving of no less grace than our Wayshower and brother, Jesus the Christ, exampled for us and that which is a constant from God.

Let us fine-tune the way we think of grace. Grace is not an award to grant. It is the truth, the reminder, and the acceptance that we are one with God, and one with each other. We are each but one part of the whole. It is an active admission that we are connected and different (not separate) at the same time – interconnected – and that not one of us deserves less or more of anything. If we can find it within ourselves to grant it when public or celebrity calls are made for it, we need only to reach nearer and harder and put it into practice for ourselves and those in our circles (1Peter 4:8). Imagine the world that will show up out of that.

That’s truth. That’s love. We are LOVE I AM.  

First published as a contributor on www.LoveIAm4us.org

#olympics #NaomiOsaka #SimoneBiles #grace #love #truth #athletes #MentalHealth #health

The Sacredness in Ash

I was out trying to fix a sprinkler earlier today. (Yes, Mama, I had on my N95 mask.) I was working as fast as I could so I could get back in the house. I noticed that I had ash on my arms and could feel it getting in my eyes. My glasses lenses were scattered with it. I noticed it on everything. I noticed that I couldn’t see behind our property very far today from all the smoke. When I got in the house, I decided to take a shower to get the smoke and ash off of me, and I noticed that the top of my head had quite a bit of ash on it. Seeing that ash on my head, even more than when I was out in the yard, shoved me right into a reality I hadn’t examined thoroughly before.

All I could think about was that people’s lives were raining down and floating all around me… pasts, futures, hopes, dreams, plans, tiny pieces of homes and precious belongings, maybe even pets and other wildlife. And I couldn’t help but think, “Please, no people.” Whatever it used to be, it’s all things that can’t be put back together again. They can be replaced, some of it, but if you’ve ever lost or broke something special, often times it’s just not the same. I hear it said often in times like this, “At least they didn’t lose their lives.” In an obvious sense that is 100% true, but it’s also not true at all – when we work so hard for the things we have, the places we live, the things we cultivate and that are precious to us.

Certainly I think it’s a safe bet that the vast majority of us would not trade our lives for any of those other things, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or isn’t significant. It may even be life-changing and cause a domino effect of other hardships.

So I said a quick prayer over the ashes on my head, a prayer for what was contained in them – the things that though they showed up as ash are actually the intangibles that keep us all going. I didn’t think to mention any of this until I saw someone posting a little bit ago about how annoyed they were with all the ash on everything. I get it. It’s messy and it’s certainly not good for us to breathe in. Yet, I think it’s sacred. Granted, we’ll have to wash it off of things, and some of it will catch in the wind and be shuffled off to another destination over and over again, but I sure will see it differently forevermore when I watch it floating down, resting on things, or being rinsed away.

Front, side of my house looking into the back.

Healing Starts

I was a hot-head in my younger days – kid, teen, young adult… And I mean HOT! Someone asked me one time a while back how I began my journey of transforming my anger and reactions. At the time he asked, I just didn’t know; I only knew that I had to do something. He asked me how I did it. I really didn’t know the answer to that either.

That journey began 25 years ago on my 30th birthday when I knew something had to change, and just today – this day – I realize what it was that put me into action. It was realizing who I was hurting (part of that being myself). I made those people more important than anything else. I just simply made my well-being and theirs bigger than the anger. That’s really all it was, and every time I felt angry, I put them back in their rightful, bigger places.

I didn’t quit <period>.

Love,
Debora

P.S. I have never perfected this. I still have to do this. I will ALWAYS have to do this – FOREVER. Who I was will always be a part of who I am. It’s important to know this and leave it right there as a reminder.

💜I can take part in your healing (even without you knowing), but I cannot heal you. The choice to heal is 100% yours.


💜Step 1: Self is the place to start.


💜Starting may feel like daunting, rugged,
mountainous terrain with no clear path.


💜Step 2: Start where you are hurting others.

#healing #responsibility #selfcare #help #assistance #spirit #hurt #self #start #path #belong #belonging #BuildBridgeBelong

It’s okay to be still.

It’s okay to be still.
It’s okay to sit in the silence even in the presence of another.
Don’t believe for a second that nothing is happening if you aren’t in constant motion.
You are but a tiny speck in the whole of it, and it doesn’t all stop because you do.
It’s okay to wait because you do not know what to do next — or even if you do.

There is power in the stillness and the silence.
Don’t be afraid of it. The truth is there.
Healing resides there.
There are answers there. There is peace there.
There is growth there.

There is so much living in the stillness and silence.
There is so much to hear.
There is so much to see.
Don’t miss it.

It's okay to be still.

The Universe Delivers

It’s always easier to recognize gifts from the universe when they’re positive, but harder to remember when it’s a negative response that it may also be a “gift” we spoke into existence.

#gift #goals #energy #divinenature #declinenature #thoughtsareprayers #wordsarewishes #WhyMeBecauseMe

Political Hypoxia

“The trouble is, we think we have time.”

Jack Kornfield

Centrist ideals and actions, passivism, and just plain refusing to see (cognitive dissonance) are killing this planet. Essentially, it is killing us. You may have the urge to blame it on those that are obviously being destructive, or obviously protesting that climate change is even real. But every time you make up an excuse for our government officials and political groups ignoring the issue of climate change, you are aiding and abetting those that intentionally have ill will for this planet as evidenced by their desires for personal gain over a survivable planet. And when you think about it, you have personal gain issues, too. Yes. “We have more important issues at hand,” has been said to me. I wonder what that could be? I’ll tell you what it is, and it’s not what you think. It’s your fear – your irrational fear that Trump is the biggest thing we have to defeat – over anything and everything else. F.E.A.R. I don’t know about you, but most people don’t operate in their best thinking when they are coming from fear. We’re all afraid, but we shouldn’t let our fear have us operate from the inability to move out from in front of our noses, unable to see the bigger picture.

Right now the Amazon Rain Forest is burning at phenomenally faster rates than have EVER been known! Some of this is on purpose – for monetary gain. How disgusting! Climate change is killing it as well. We laugh, scoff and wag our fingers at climate change deniers… but how is waiting around for a better time to do something about it any better? In my opinion, that’s even WORSE, because we know better.

I am in an ongoing fight and struggle for equality for all persons on this planet, as many of you may be. If you know me, or have read many of the things I write, this is likely not news to you. Off the top of my head right now, I can’t think of anything more important to me than seeing a world that works for all. Full disclosure is, I selfishly do this because ultimately that’s the world I want for my grandchildren. I’m probably not going to see it. Maybe, but probably not. That’s OK. That’s the bigger picture. It doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the louder, more current concerns or that I’m not afraid. But the bigger picture speaks louder to me than the current, temporary ones. Does that mean that I/we ignore the current madhouse? No, not at all. What it means is that we should not put all our eggs in the basket of fearing the current madhouse. There has to be a balance. But if we’re reacting now without any regard for later, that is a God-awful strategy for our future. If your child is crying because he has a wet and soiled diaper and he’s hungry, but you just realized you’re out of diapers and formula, are you going to run out and get diapers to avoid the current mess, but wait on the formula because it’s less pressing at this moment? Or do they both require your full attention?

This is where we are. Mother Earth is SCREAMING for help, but many of us can’t seem to focus our energy on anything other than the mess in front of us. It’s urgent, yes, but there’s something bigger and also urgent that is starving for our attention as well. And if we don’t take care of it, there won’t be one single reason for any of the rest of it. The thing about starvation is, once it’s noticeable, there’s very little time to correct it, if at all. And even once it’s corrected, there may be lasting, irreversible damage to the point that saving it is in reality only slowing down the inevitable.

This is not about how much or little you might be doing for a better world. This is not about making the important work any of us are doing now suddenly worthless. IT’S ALL IMPORTANT. IT’S ALL NEEDED, ALL NECESSARY. But operating out of fear to the degree that we let ourselves be led by the nose, to ignore the underhandedness of those that we allow to represent us is going to be our end. And we do this for the short-term goal out of fear. Fear has us blind. Fear has us deaf. Fear has us cutting ourselves short. It’s sad. It’s maddening watching some of those that I love, appreciate, and think so highly of, and know without a doubt to be otherwise intelligent folks give it all up for the moment.

If you think we have bigger fish to fry than climate change, or that it can wait until after the next election, you clearly need the oxygen that we are currently running out of. This is dire. If you actually think the DNC or GOP has your best interests at heart, you MUST be suffering from hypoxia and can’t think straight. Wake up… while you still can. How is it that you can look the other way while they make up their own rules and decisions, mostly ignoring what the voters want, bowing to them out of fear instead of standing up to them and being fearless. Last election, and it looks like the upcoming one as well, so many people wanted to blame people like me for a sub-par candidate losing the election. You should be blaming yourselves and the DNC who led you by the nose KNOWING BETTER. Many of us tried to tell you, and you ridiculed and laughed at us. We’re telling you again, and you’re still laughing.

I wish I could say that “I told you so” tasted sweet, but I have to wade in the bitter poison right along with you.

Your social justice and equality issues also do not take a bigger stage than climate change. Again, these issues are not less important, but to be perfectly clear, they won’t be an issue at all if we keep ignoring climate change or putting it off until ____________. If you care so much about social dynamics and the struggles that are going on right now in our communities of color and our underserved communities, then you absolutely SHOULD be thinking about climate change. Why? If you have your community activism hat already in any arena involving those communities, then I already know you are aware of how they get hit the hardest, the fastest, and the longest when anything bad comes down the pipeline. They also take the longest to recover – if ever. Sometimes it’s actually by design, sadly, and sometimes it’s because of positioning. Here are just a few examples: housing crisis, redlining, gerrymandering, poverty, bank bailouts, war on drugs, high cost of pharmaceuticals, disparities in healthcare, inflation, etc. DO YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT AS OUR CLIMATE AND EARTH DETERIORATE THAT THESE COMMUNITIES WON’T SUFFER HARDER, FASTER, AND LONGER THAN OTHERS – THAT SOMEHOW THEY’LL ESCAPE THE USUAL ROLL CALL FOR THIS? Like I said, if you already have your community activism hat on, it shouldn’t be hard for you to see how this will go. All our work will be for not if we refuse to address our climate issues NOW – not after the election; not after… anything else. NOW.

Look, I am also guilty of waiting to fully address climate change, and not being willing to realize that if our world deteriorates, there is no point at all to anything else that I work for, strive for, pour my heart and soul out into. My selfish reasons for the other activism work that I do has to be, and is, the same for climate change. I want my grandchildren to grow up in a world that their Gram helped make better and survives for them. I don’t want them to suffer from the effects of racism, classism, bigotry, hunger, violence, xenophobia… and I most certainly don’t want them to suffer because they can’t breathe or the little food that’s left or the water is poisoning them. As a bonus, I would also like to live out the rest of my life on a planet that is being loved and nurtured, knowing it’s going to be a safe place for my Milani Jhené and Joshua Rey, and whichever beautiful grandbabies that might come next.

We need to stop wishing for a better tomorrow before all we can wish for is any tomorrow.

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Power Washed Taste Buds

Eating clean(er) has had some benefits I wouldn’t have expected. One that I noticed a while back is that food has more taste – literally MORE. It’s like my taste buds received a power wash or something, and I can taste more of the detail in food, if that makes sense.  So much of the “good for me” foods taste so much better, and likewise, some of the “not so good for me” foods have a different taste than they used to. With prepared foods, it seems like I can taste the chemicals or something. They just don’t seem to taste the same.  Some are still delicious, though, and that’s when I have to look at them with my “that’s poison for me” lenses on.

This has been a tough journey; I’m not gonna sugarcoat it (pun intended).  I reference “me” in the quotations above because I have a very specific set of items/ingredients that I have to stay away from. It’s not just about the obvious unhealthy items. In fact, some items that I thought were healthy, simply are just NOT for me, but may be very healthy for someone else. That is part of what’s made these changes difficult.

I grew up in a pretty health-conscience family. My grandparents were always trying the latest, greatest, new healthy food or recipe.  I recall that we were one of the few homes that was eating wheat bread at one point – way back, of course!  Over the years we and I have adjusted accordingly.  Then one day I got sick. And then I stayed sick. And I couldn’t seem to get well.  Let’s cut out the middle and head straight to the answer.  I have a host of chronic and autoimmune illnesses – lupus, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, chronic migraine, GERD,  and… well, for the sake of the length of this post, that’s good for now! More at another time.

For years I’ve struggled clumsily through chronic illness bouts.  Recently, about 8 months ago or so, I did myself a huge favor and did a food allergen lab test (under the supervision of a Naturopathic Doctor).  Surprisingly (to put it lightly), I am either allergic or showed high inflammatory responses to quite a lot of foods. Even more surprisingly, several of these items were foods that we mostly consider to be healthy or part of a healthy eating regimen.

So life changed – again – and now breakfast feels like the most difficult meal of all suddenly. That’s a complete switch from what I was doing before. I sometimes wander around trying to figure out what to eat for a couple hours before breakfast even happens. I realized the other day that it’s not so much that there’s nothing for breakfast anymore, as I just need to retrain myself about what breakfast can be.  I grew up and also raised my kids on a typical American type of breakfast, i.e., eggs, bacon or sausage, pancakes, waffles, or french toast, or oatmeal or cold cereal choices.

So life changed, and I had a beef tamale for breakfast the other morning, which seemed so weird. But it was delicious – or I might have been nearing starvation after wandering around for a couple hours trying to figure out what to eat. Either way, it was so good and I felt great after, and  nothing bad happened because I broke the breakfast rules that I had been stuck to. I had a cup of coffee with it and some jicama sticks and cantaloupe on the side.  I then bought a whole bunch of frozen organic tamales yesterday. I probably need to calm down about the tamales and continue to expand. But for now, I feel pretty good about it!  This morning I had my go-to, which was a cup of coconut-based yogurt with some added collagen peptides, and some berries thrown in for good measure.

I’m just glad to still be here and relearning my entrenched idea of breakfast, and finding new ways to feel well.  It’s 8:30 p.m., and I’m already thinking about what tomorrow’s breakfast will be.  Life is about food a lot these days. It probably will be for a long time, if not always, until I get the hang of what healthy means and looks like for me, and not necessarily what is normally healthy for most people.

Like most difficult lessons, I would have liked to have learned these latest ones an easier way, but it’s okay. I’m super enjoying my new taste buds and my increasing energy, and looking forward to the day when this new way is something that feels normal and not new.

Enjoying the ride (mostly)!  😉